By Mike Mahler
There were no self-help groups, personal coaching, cheerleading, or handholding. The philosophy was very basic. You know what you want. You know what you have to do. You know how to do it. Just do it. If you can’t then tough shit!
—Randy Roach, Muscle, Smoke & Mirrors
Self-help gurus often talk about the importance of having a positive attitude, claiming it's fundamental to the success of any and all endeavors. On the contrary: attitude is irrelevant. Couple the brightest of attitudes with a flawed plan and you'll create only failure, while taking that same action with an effective plan--even if your attitude is less than cheerful--will surely succeed. Quoting former Navy SEAL Team Six leader Richard Marcinko, you do not have to like it--you just have to do it. This is the critical factor in success: Doing what needs to be done even when it's the last thing you want to do.
If you're only capable of taking action when you're attitude is positive--then don't bother. If you require extrinsic motivation to make your move, you should just give up, now. If you only perform at a high level when you're feeling your best, then you are the exact opposite of a professional and destined to remain an amateur at life and everything else.
Not only is positive attitude beside the point, it can actually hinder meaningful change...and ensuing success. I'll share a personal example.
Several years ago, while employed in an especially lame sales job, I learned first-hand the irrelevance of a positive attitude. An idiotic sales manager recommended that to best promote my business I should distribute 500 business cards each day on parked cars. After a few weeks of this, the lack of response left me very disappointed. Now some of you might be thinking a few weeks is nothing and that I needed to demonstrate more commitment and consistency, and while I might agree on principle, I'd argue that a proper marketing plan is the crucial element--and papering people's cars doesn't cut it.
When was the last time a card or flier left on your windshield inspired you to purchase a product or service? Umm, never? But it's a numbers game, you might say--which is exactly what my sales manager said. Further, he convinced me it was my negative attitude killing my card marketing efforts. Wear your biggest smile as you place the cards, he said, and make a positive affirmation as you tuck each card under the wiper. I was young, naïve and open minded and I ate up this advice. After all, here was the manager offering me the benefit of his experience, right? I went crazy with the cards. Not only did I paste on an idiotic smile, I kept on smiling as I flipped a record ten thousands cards in a single day. Oh, how excited I was about taking this massive action and how I eagerly anticipated an equally massive response...unfortunately the only positive result I saw was increased cardio conditioning from running the parking lots all day.
The only phone calls I received after this marketing fiasco were complaints. One guy told me the card I'd stuck in his driver's side window had worked its way down into the door--costing him $500 to remove--and he'd be billing me shortly. Another guy left a message that he'd saved my card and intended to staple it to my forehead. Yes, all the smiling and positive affirmations were finally bringing me results but, as you can see, it was a crappy marketing plan, not a lack of positive attitude, that created this mess.
I shared my frustrations with the manager and his response was classic. He said my attitude was still lacking in that what I'd assumed was a positive attitude was merely a facade. Worse, my underlying negative attitude was apparently so tenacious it had transferred itself to the cards as I placed them on each car!
Einstein himself said the definition of insanity is doing the same thing...and expecting different results. Here I'd proven to myself that the card marketing method was worthless. Hey, when you do ten thousand of anything, something positive should come of it! If not, well, your best efforts might be crippled by a poor plan of action. It took little intellection to realize it was time to try something different.
Card marketing's number one flaw is it requires an extreme effort to get your word out. Several thousand cards, plus the hours spent distributing those cards, is an exercise in inefficiency. What I needed was a system of promoting my business to vast numbers of people requiring minimal effort. After doing some research, I decided upon signs.
Starting out with 50 signs, I put them up on telephone poles and stakes at major intersections. The best and most efficient way to post signs is in the middle of the night, when traffic is low. I'd go out around 2 A.M. in the blistering cold and put up my signs. Did I maintain that all-important positive attitude? Not even close. I was bitching the entire time but I nailed in those signs until the job was done, the sun still coming up, then dragged myself back home to get some sleep. I awoke, several hours later, to more than twenty voice messages from people interested in what I was offering. My closing rate on those callbacks was one in three, which is pretty good. I had finally discovered a method that worked, and despite any semblance of positive attitude during the process, my course of action was met with success.
Take an effective plan, put it into action, have the tenacity to see it through, and it will work in spite of your positive, negative, or indifferent attitude. When it comes to making dramatic, positive change in your life, a positive attitude is the least of your concerns, and in fact, may actually inhibit you in accepting the brutal self-knowledge required to break free of inertia and move forward.
People often tell me about their intense level of dissatisfaction with their jobs, ending with how they stay positive and look on the bright side to avoid feelings of depression and insanity. They'll continue that eventually when the time is right they'll pursue their dream careers. While gratitude for what you have is a good thing, it doesn't mean you should ever accept a life you don't want. Forcing positivity in the face of wrong livelihood is only the illusion of positive. Tricking yourself into feeling good about something bad is only an effective plan for negative outcomes.
Recently, I read a great article about senior citizens looking back over their lives. Naturally, some had regrets about things they'd done over the years, but the strongest regrets were felt for things that weren't ever done.
What does this have to do with positive attitude? A stubborn positive attitude may be the enabling factor in continuing to slog on with a life you don't event want. Sometimes, it's hitting rock bottom that spurs forward action. No, you don't have to lose all your worldly possessions and end up on the street but you do have to feel low-down and angry enough with yourself for accepting your misappropriated life. When you are completely fed up and nauseated at the idea of remaining as you have been, you are finally ready to initiate change and create a new life.
Creation is dramatic and powerful, not passive and subtle. Creation arises from destruction and only by destroying your wrongfully lived life can you finally embrace the life you've always wanted. This is what it means to be reincarnated as a new person. There are no second chances when you're keeping one foot in your old life; your anger and extreme dissatisfaction are the flames that burn the bridges to your past. Dramatic change isn't always pretty, nor does it always come from a pretty, positive place.
In short, putting a positive spin on a negative situation is lying to yourself--and there's nothing positive about lies. Getting a flat tire on the way to an important meeting, you might pull off to the side of the road and think of all the positive reasons that this might have happened. Perhaps in getting a flat you avoided a terrible accident up the road. Maybe the meeting is being held in a building assigned to be blown up by terrorists. With this line of reasoning, you might even thank the stars and feel gratitude for your flat tire--not so fast! As outlandish as it might sound to the positive thinkers among you, your flat tire is probably nothing more than one of the multiple--irritating--inconveniences we all deal with from time to time. The solution? Get out of your car, change the tire, and get back on the road--no positive attitude required. You know what needs to be done, get it done and move on.
You may think a flat tire is a trivial example, so let's use something more compelling. How about pediatric burn victims? As a non-burned person, would you feel comfortable telling these children to stay positive and feel gratitude for what they have? These kids are in the depths of suffering--and they are not wrong to feel angry about it. While they must eventually move on from their state of suffering, their healing will come faster by accepting their current--terrible--reality before moving onward. Insisting that everything is fine only defers crucial feelings which need to be brought to awareness.
Terrible things happen all the time to people who don't deserve them and there's nothing positive to be said about it. Not only is it healthy to accept this fact--that some things are indeed negative and even terrible--it's essential to leading a self-realized life. Life is never all-negative nor all-positive. Some things are wonderful, some terrible, and there's no use in struggling over what seems to be duality but in fact is not.
Self-help gurus claim you must feel positive in order to take any right action. They'll have you do drills, like listing all the reasons you should do something, then listing all the reasons not to do it. If your positives out-weigh the negatives, then you should take action. Well, if you even have to make such a list, then your priorities are confused. When you really want something, you form a plan of action and execute it. You don't indulge in mental masturbation. That which is important will obsess you and force you into action.
Far more important than a positive attitude are preparation and sound training. A positive attitude without preparation will lose out. Even with a negative attitude, when matched with training and preparation, you are far more likely to persevere and thrive. Best of all, by taking the necessary action to acquire the life you really want to live, you'll naturally feel positive feelings about your life. Taking charge of your life is exciting and exhilarating, while lying to yourself about anything, including that which seems positive, is hollow and demoralizing.
So forget about trying to change your attitude! Put together your action plan, get going, and show courage in the face of the inevitable errors and setbacks. You know what you need to do and you don't have to like it--you just have to do it.
Live Life Aggressively!
Mike Mahler
www.mikemahler.com
Monday, June 1, 2009
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
The Real Battle Is Within
By Mike Mahler
"I Call myself a peaceful warrior because life's battles are within."- From the movie and book The Peaceful Warrior
One of the main reasons why people fail to achieve their goals is they fail to conquer themselves. They are always looking at factors outside of themselves. As long as your blame other people and blame circumstances, you will never achieve your goals. You cannot worry about what is out of your control. Life is stressful enough and worrying about what other people think is a waste of time. Especially, people you do not even know.
Sun Tzu once stated that the winner of a battle is decided before the fight even occurs. How is this possible? The side that knows who they are and what they are capable of will always win. Most of us have never placed our life on pause to really ascertain who we are. Instead we distract ourselves with TV, movies, books, the Internet, Mike Mahler's magazine ;-) (okay, we can let this one slide), mindless conversations, and other stimulus addictions.
One common thread among people that have experienced immense suffering and prevailed is they discovered who they are and did not let go. I remember reading about a Vietnam veteran that served time in a prison camp. He was broken down completely and at his worst moment he discovered who he was and could no longer be conquered. While what he went through was very painful, he stated that he is glad it happened and that he would not be the man he is without that experience.
Sometimes we have no where to go but rock bottom. As stressful as rock bottom is, it is also liberating. Your fears have come true and you have to rise to the occasion. Circumstances create the person and often the person you have always needed to be will emerge from the ashes. The problem is most people are risk adverse and as a result never discover who they are. Frankly, many people live lives that are the equivalent of a spectator sport. They get inspired by others that are doers but never get in the game. They live vicariously through others and think it is enough. Yet, deep inside there is an unexplainable yearning for more. Something real; something visceral; something that lets you know you are alive.
How did you become the person you are now? Have you ever taken the time to do some self analysis. How come you are not the person you want to be? You are the only thing that is holding you back. With brutal self-realization comes a tremendous surge of freedom and energy. You come into yourself and as Napoleon Hill states, "The world has a way of making room for a man that knows exactly what he wants." Yes I am sure Napoleon meant to include women as well so no hate mail please. The problem is few people know exactly what they want. Most people's desires are derived from TV commercials, movies, magazines, family, friends etc. You think you want a new car. However, if you really think about it, you only want it to get approval from others not because you genuinely want it. You want to get lean and ripped. Yet, when you think about it, you only want it because it is what you think you should have. How much of your desires are derived from what others think you should have? When you achieve goals that are not your own, you will only feel empty.
Following your instincts is not always easy. It often defies logic. Yet, logic could be the very thing that is holding you back. Logical people do not believe in possibilities. Every thing they do is based on statistical analysis. I never worry about statistics as no test can take me into account as an individual and what I am prepared to do. I did poorly on the SAT's, graduated high school with a 2.0 GPA, and I barely got into college. Once in college I picked one of the least marketable major majors out there! I majored in Religious Studies with an emphasis on Eastern religions. Family and friends stated that I would never get a job with that major and that I should pick something more practical. My pick was not logical. Well, sometimes you have to say screw logic and go with your passion. I hated college and Religious studies was the only area that I found interesting. I went from barely passing my classes to getting on the Dean's list. I learned for the first time that I only do well at things that I enjoy. A lesson that would serve me well latter in life. On paper I had every reason to be unsuccessful. However, I have a life that is far from unsuccessful.
If I am not passionate about something, I will not excel at it. Hell, I will not even do okay at it. Thus, I always gravitate towards what I enjoy doing. As a result, I have an incredible lifestyle now. I love my line of work. I set my own hours, make a great income, and most importantly I impact people positively. What more can one ask for? Frankly, I just want to have this feeling of being alive indefinitely and I will as long as I remain brutally honest with myself and go with my instincts however illogical they may be. Leave logic for Mr. Spock and learn to fine tune your instincts and get in touch with a power greater than yourself. You as an individual are only so strong. However, when you can connect with something much greater than yourself, you will be unstoppable. It all starts with you and what you are prepared to do. What are you prepared to do? It is up to you. As stated in the movie Vanilla Sky, every passing moment is a chance to turn it all around.
Live Life Aggressively!
Mike Mahler
www.mikemahler.com
"I Call myself a peaceful warrior because life's battles are within."- From the movie and book The Peaceful Warrior
One of the main reasons why people fail to achieve their goals is they fail to conquer themselves. They are always looking at factors outside of themselves. As long as your blame other people and blame circumstances, you will never achieve your goals. You cannot worry about what is out of your control. Life is stressful enough and worrying about what other people think is a waste of time. Especially, people you do not even know.
Sun Tzu once stated that the winner of a battle is decided before the fight even occurs. How is this possible? The side that knows who they are and what they are capable of will always win. Most of us have never placed our life on pause to really ascertain who we are. Instead we distract ourselves with TV, movies, books, the Internet, Mike Mahler's magazine ;-) (okay, we can let this one slide), mindless conversations, and other stimulus addictions.
One common thread among people that have experienced immense suffering and prevailed is they discovered who they are and did not let go. I remember reading about a Vietnam veteran that served time in a prison camp. He was broken down completely and at his worst moment he discovered who he was and could no longer be conquered. While what he went through was very painful, he stated that he is glad it happened and that he would not be the man he is without that experience.
Sometimes we have no where to go but rock bottom. As stressful as rock bottom is, it is also liberating. Your fears have come true and you have to rise to the occasion. Circumstances create the person and often the person you have always needed to be will emerge from the ashes. The problem is most people are risk adverse and as a result never discover who they are. Frankly, many people live lives that are the equivalent of a spectator sport. They get inspired by others that are doers but never get in the game. They live vicariously through others and think it is enough. Yet, deep inside there is an unexplainable yearning for more. Something real; something visceral; something that lets you know you are alive.
How did you become the person you are now? Have you ever taken the time to do some self analysis. How come you are not the person you want to be? You are the only thing that is holding you back. With brutal self-realization comes a tremendous surge of freedom and energy. You come into yourself and as Napoleon Hill states, "The world has a way of making room for a man that knows exactly what he wants." Yes I am sure Napoleon meant to include women as well so no hate mail please. The problem is few people know exactly what they want. Most people's desires are derived from TV commercials, movies, magazines, family, friends etc. You think you want a new car. However, if you really think about it, you only want it to get approval from others not because you genuinely want it. You want to get lean and ripped. Yet, when you think about it, you only want it because it is what you think you should have. How much of your desires are derived from what others think you should have? When you achieve goals that are not your own, you will only feel empty.
Following your instincts is not always easy. It often defies logic. Yet, logic could be the very thing that is holding you back. Logical people do not believe in possibilities. Every thing they do is based on statistical analysis. I never worry about statistics as no test can take me into account as an individual and what I am prepared to do. I did poorly on the SAT's, graduated high school with a 2.0 GPA, and I barely got into college. Once in college I picked one of the least marketable major majors out there! I majored in Religious Studies with an emphasis on Eastern religions. Family and friends stated that I would never get a job with that major and that I should pick something more practical. My pick was not logical. Well, sometimes you have to say screw logic and go with your passion. I hated college and Religious studies was the only area that I found interesting. I went from barely passing my classes to getting on the Dean's list. I learned for the first time that I only do well at things that I enjoy. A lesson that would serve me well latter in life. On paper I had every reason to be unsuccessful. However, I have a life that is far from unsuccessful.
If I am not passionate about something, I will not excel at it. Hell, I will not even do okay at it. Thus, I always gravitate towards what I enjoy doing. As a result, I have an incredible lifestyle now. I love my line of work. I set my own hours, make a great income, and most importantly I impact people positively. What more can one ask for? Frankly, I just want to have this feeling of being alive indefinitely and I will as long as I remain brutally honest with myself and go with my instincts however illogical they may be. Leave logic for Mr. Spock and learn to fine tune your instincts and get in touch with a power greater than yourself. You as an individual are only so strong. However, when you can connect with something much greater than yourself, you will be unstoppable. It all starts with you and what you are prepared to do. What are you prepared to do? It is up to you. As stated in the movie Vanilla Sky, every passing moment is a chance to turn it all around.
Live Life Aggressively!
Mike Mahler
www.mikemahler.com
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Networking Myths: It is much more than who you know
By Mike Mahler
Last year, I dispelled the myth that passion is the most important ingredient for success. I crushed and destroyed moronic mantras, like fake it until you make it , that so many people take to heart. While it's good to feel passionate about the work you do, and passion enhances the experience of life, creating success requires more than passion.
I'm starting 2009 off with a bang by destructing another myth: that networking is crucial for success. OK, some clarification before I get the flood of angry emails: Networking is important to succeed in business endeavors...but when it comes to effective networking, most people blow it. In this article, I'm going to outline two common networking blunders: one I refer to as premature networking and the other, nuisance networking.
We'll begin with premature networking. Not only do I receive frequent emails from premature networkers, I've met more premature networkers in person then I care to remember. What is premature networking? It's trying to work with people out of your league before earning the right to work with such people. An example is trying to get a face-to-face meeting with Warren Buffet on how to be a millionaire when you haven't even made your first thousand dollars. Even if you manage to pull off the meeting, you’re still not ready to benefit from Buffet’s information. An analogy is those people who've never taught a workshop offering to co-present a workshop with me.
On my own, I've presented more than one hundred successful workshops--and when I say on my own I mean I did everything from writing the ad copy; promoting the course; booking the facilities; taking registrations; and leading the courses. Trust me, it's not easy juggling all these aspects, and if you've never done it on your own, you haven't earned the privilege to headline with those who have.
A smarter approach is volunteering to assist at a course you've already taken, or a course covering a subject in which you're already competent. Even better is to present your own workshop! After you've experienced success on your own, you'll find people are more inclined to work with you. Sounds easy, right? Wrong--which is why most people remain premature networkers; they desire easy success, starting with passing the buck onto others. This flawed strategy will only take you so far. Most premature networkers won't ever make it to first base. Successful people won't touch a premature "pass-the-buck" networker, and can spot them a mile away.
Another aspect of premature networking is developing a list of contacts without anything to offer them. I knew a guy in Los Angeles who wanted to become a famous actor. He was a great at networker and knew many famous actors but what are they going they do for him if he has nothing to offer? You guessed it: nothing. His daily routine of four hours of television viewing, plus trying to get laid, left him little time to seriously pursue the actor's craft and, in the end, thirty years of living in LA added up to very little. Such stories are a dime a dozen in LA, which leads in to the next example, someone who's never written a script but has an idea that he can schedule a pitch and meeting like a professional script writer. This pass-the-buck networking is so irritating it segues nicely into my next subject, nuisance networking.
Yes, the next logical networking category people blunder into is nuisance networking. These are those people who literally bother other people. An example is those who bombard others with emails seeking free information. These are people thinking only of themselves without respect for other people’s time. When meeting someone new, they instantly size you up to see if you'll meet some self-serving purpose. A nobler approach is leading in with how you might benefit that person with whom you're attempting to network. Along these lines, an especially effective networking approach I've had success with is the interview.
Interviewing those people whom you'd like to work with--and learn from--is effective networking. It works well because you're leading with an opportunity for them rather than for you. Trying to get other people to do stuff for you without emphasizing the benefit to them is losing a battle without ever getting started. Leading in with a benefit to the contact gets your foot in the door--and an excellent chance of crossing the threshold! When I originally contacted people for interviews, I mentioned only that I'd like to interview them for a particular publication. I identified myself as a freelance writer and included some examples of my published work. Most of these samples were online articles, which are relatively easy to get published since so many sites are looking for content.
Rather than emailing people with bothersome requests for free information (i.e., nuisance networking) I sent brief notes detailing the benefits of an interview and waited for their response. It was a numbers game: plenty of people said no (or never replied, which is another version of no) but several did get back to me. In fact, in my first month, I interviewed MMA legend Frank Shamrock; Richard Machowicz (author of Unleashing the Warrior Within and host of Future Weapons); fitness expert Clarence Bass; top strength coach Tudor Bompa; and top strength coach Steve Maxwell.
In addition to leveraging their names to get my name out there, I learned a great deal from each of them--not only from the interviews but by developing some solid relationships. I did a good job with the interviews, getting their final approval before sending them in for publication, and I never pitched any of these men on kettlebell training, hiring me as a trainer, working together on workshops, or trying to get them to do any stuff for me at all. I opened with an offer to do something for them and delivered on my offer, which creates the strong foundation upon which relationships are built. For example, a few years after my interview with Frank Shamrock, I met him in person and presented a seminar at his gym. He was so impressed with the seminar he didn't hesitate to offer me a powerful testimonial. Timing is crucial: if I'd asked Frank for endorsement too soon, he would have--justifiably--blown me off. Why would he endorse someone he's never met? Further, without knowing anything about me, why would he agree to host my seminar at his gym?
To effectively network, lead with an offer to the other party, then patiently allow the relationship to grow organically. You can't force things--solid networking takes time and the more value you have to offer, the more effective your networking opportunities. If you have nothing to offer, you're just hanging out--networking is more than attending seminars and other events to chitchat with people.
The bottom line: you can learn from people without ever meeting them. You want to know how I run my business and how I get things done? It's all on my website. You can learn to write effective ad copy by analyzing what I've already written. It's right there in front of you and you don't need me to tutor you. Nor am I available for tutoring. You can find a book on any topic you can imagine, but are you prepared to read twenty-five books on how to achieve success in your chosen field? If your answer is no, choose another field. Twenty-five books is the minimum you should read about something for which you allege a passion.
Finally, yes, networking is important--but both premature networking and nuisance networking are wastes of time and will only succeed in ruining your reputation as word gets around. In order to effectively network, develop an honest skill in order to offer something of value in the marketplace--and to those people with whom you wish to network. Create a win-win situation and respect people’s time.
Live Life Aggressively!
Mike Mahler
www.mikemahler.com
Last year, I dispelled the myth that passion is the most important ingredient for success. I crushed and destroyed moronic mantras, like fake it until you make it , that so many people take to heart. While it's good to feel passionate about the work you do, and passion enhances the experience of life, creating success requires more than passion.
I'm starting 2009 off with a bang by destructing another myth: that networking is crucial for success. OK, some clarification before I get the flood of angry emails: Networking is important to succeed in business endeavors...but when it comes to effective networking, most people blow it. In this article, I'm going to outline two common networking blunders: one I refer to as premature networking and the other, nuisance networking.
We'll begin with premature networking. Not only do I receive frequent emails from premature networkers, I've met more premature networkers in person then I care to remember. What is premature networking? It's trying to work with people out of your league before earning the right to work with such people. An example is trying to get a face-to-face meeting with Warren Buffet on how to be a millionaire when you haven't even made your first thousand dollars. Even if you manage to pull off the meeting, you’re still not ready to benefit from Buffet’s information. An analogy is those people who've never taught a workshop offering to co-present a workshop with me.
On my own, I've presented more than one hundred successful workshops--and when I say on my own I mean I did everything from writing the ad copy; promoting the course; booking the facilities; taking registrations; and leading the courses. Trust me, it's not easy juggling all these aspects, and if you've never done it on your own, you haven't earned the privilege to headline with those who have.
A smarter approach is volunteering to assist at a course you've already taken, or a course covering a subject in which you're already competent. Even better is to present your own workshop! After you've experienced success on your own, you'll find people are more inclined to work with you. Sounds easy, right? Wrong--which is why most people remain premature networkers; they desire easy success, starting with passing the buck onto others. This flawed strategy will only take you so far. Most premature networkers won't ever make it to first base. Successful people won't touch a premature "pass-the-buck" networker, and can spot them a mile away.
Another aspect of premature networking is developing a list of contacts without anything to offer them. I knew a guy in Los Angeles who wanted to become a famous actor. He was a great at networker and knew many famous actors but what are they going they do for him if he has nothing to offer? You guessed it: nothing. His daily routine of four hours of television viewing, plus trying to get laid, left him little time to seriously pursue the actor's craft and, in the end, thirty years of living in LA added up to very little. Such stories are a dime a dozen in LA, which leads in to the next example, someone who's never written a script but has an idea that he can schedule a pitch and meeting like a professional script writer. This pass-the-buck networking is so irritating it segues nicely into my next subject, nuisance networking.
Yes, the next logical networking category people blunder into is nuisance networking. These are those people who literally bother other people. An example is those who bombard others with emails seeking free information. These are people thinking only of themselves without respect for other people’s time. When meeting someone new, they instantly size you up to see if you'll meet some self-serving purpose. A nobler approach is leading in with how you might benefit that person with whom you're attempting to network. Along these lines, an especially effective networking approach I've had success with is the interview.
Interviewing those people whom you'd like to work with--and learn from--is effective networking. It works well because you're leading with an opportunity for them rather than for you. Trying to get other people to do stuff for you without emphasizing the benefit to them is losing a battle without ever getting started. Leading in with a benefit to the contact gets your foot in the door--and an excellent chance of crossing the threshold! When I originally contacted people for interviews, I mentioned only that I'd like to interview them for a particular publication. I identified myself as a freelance writer and included some examples of my published work. Most of these samples were online articles, which are relatively easy to get published since so many sites are looking for content.
Rather than emailing people with bothersome requests for free information (i.e., nuisance networking) I sent brief notes detailing the benefits of an interview and waited for their response. It was a numbers game: plenty of people said no (or never replied, which is another version of no) but several did get back to me. In fact, in my first month, I interviewed MMA legend Frank Shamrock; Richard Machowicz (author of Unleashing the Warrior Within and host of Future Weapons); fitness expert Clarence Bass; top strength coach Tudor Bompa; and top strength coach Steve Maxwell.
In addition to leveraging their names to get my name out there, I learned a great deal from each of them--not only from the interviews but by developing some solid relationships. I did a good job with the interviews, getting their final approval before sending them in for publication, and I never pitched any of these men on kettlebell training, hiring me as a trainer, working together on workshops, or trying to get them to do any stuff for me at all. I opened with an offer to do something for them and delivered on my offer, which creates the strong foundation upon which relationships are built. For example, a few years after my interview with Frank Shamrock, I met him in person and presented a seminar at his gym. He was so impressed with the seminar he didn't hesitate to offer me a powerful testimonial. Timing is crucial: if I'd asked Frank for endorsement too soon, he would have--justifiably--blown me off. Why would he endorse someone he's never met? Further, without knowing anything about me, why would he agree to host my seminar at his gym?
To effectively network, lead with an offer to the other party, then patiently allow the relationship to grow organically. You can't force things--solid networking takes time and the more value you have to offer, the more effective your networking opportunities. If you have nothing to offer, you're just hanging out--networking is more than attending seminars and other events to chitchat with people.
The bottom line: you can learn from people without ever meeting them. You want to know how I run my business and how I get things done? It's all on my website. You can learn to write effective ad copy by analyzing what I've already written. It's right there in front of you and you don't need me to tutor you. Nor am I available for tutoring. You can find a book on any topic you can imagine, but are you prepared to read twenty-five books on how to achieve success in your chosen field? If your answer is no, choose another field. Twenty-five books is the minimum you should read about something for which you allege a passion.
Finally, yes, networking is important--but both premature networking and nuisance networking are wastes of time and will only succeed in ruining your reputation as word gets around. In order to effectively network, develop an honest skill in order to offer something of value in the marketplace--and to those people with whom you wish to network. Create a win-win situation and respect people’s time.
Live Life Aggressively!
Mike Mahler
www.mikemahler.com
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Stop Complaining And Take Charge Of Your Life
By Mike Mahler
I was discovering that life just simply isn’t fair, but the difference emerges among the people that accept that idea--embrace it even--and bask in the unsung glory of knowing that each obstacle overcome along the way only adds to the satisfaction in the end. Nothing great, after all, was ever accomplished by anyone sulking in his or her misery.
---Adam Shepard, Scratch Beginnings
In his provocative book, Scratch Beginnings: Me, $25, and the Search for the American Dream, Adam Shepard undertakes a year-long experiment to ascertain first-hand the state of the American Dream. Challenging himself to start with next-to-nothing and--within a year's time--accrue $2500.00 in savings, live in a furnished apartment (solo or with roommate) and possess a vehicle, Adam travels out of state, where he has no contacts, arriving with only $25.00 and the clothes on his back. Within ten months, Adam has met his stated goals and exceeded his own expectations by saving $5000.00. He achieves this without help from friends, family or the credit card he keeps in his pocket for emergencies. Further, when applying for jobs, he never discloses he is a college graduate. A crucial ingredient to Adam’s success is his lack of self-pity: he is instead occupied in taking action to reach his objectives. This is a trait you will always see with successful people.
Adam’s journey starts in Charleston, South Carolina, where, with $25.00 in his pocket, the first roof over his head is the local homeless shelter. From this humble base (and with the help of food stamps) he takes on any job offered. Breaking with the current social norm, Adam cheerfully accepts as fact that when you have nothing, no job is beneath you, and from cleaning up dog crap in backyards in summer heat to every other form of day labor he works from sunrise to sunset. Adam firmly applies his work ethic to his goal of leaving the shelter as soon as possible. He considers any job better than sitting around and by working an odd assortment of jobs, creates a forward momentum, eventually getting hired by a moving company at a starting rate of $7.00 an hour, which, over time, grows to ten dollars an hour, enabling him to vacate the homeless shelter and progress to a shared apartment. After observing other shelter residents prematurely leave, only to end up back in the shelter again when hit with unanticipated expenses, Adam pointedly remains at the shelter until he's saved up adequate funds all the while maintaining an extremely frugal life style, scrimping every dollar possible i.e. neither restaurant meals nor vacations, and all clothing purchases are second-hand. Adam's imperative to leave the homeless shelter is tendered with patience--as well as the sacrifices necessary to ensure that once he gets out he'll stay out.
Adam understands that which many people miss: forward movement often requires personal sacrifice--or, you can't have it all, all the time. Such choices may bring about phases in your life which are out of balance, e.g. you might even have to work seven days a week, and not only without a vacation, but going to bed each night wiped out from the day's work, all the while saving every dollar possible and delaying all your favorite gratifications. However, you'd be surprised what you can make happen in just a year of deliberate and focused work. Later, once things get going, you can ease up on the reins and into a more balanced--and comfortable--lifestyle.
Adam encounters all sorts of people throughout his journey. There are some content with living and hanging out at the shelter all day, while others have ended up at the shelter with more ambition, forming determined plans to get back on their feet and depart the shelter circuit. He notices this second group don't blame anyone else for their circumstances, but accept full accountability, bolster it with a solid work ethic and a vision of where they want to be--and how to get there.
Scratch Beginnings is a rebuttal to (and rejection of) Nickel and Dimed, journalist Barbara Ehrenreich’s undercover investigative account on whether the so-called "working poor" could survive on minimum wage employment. Over the course of several months, Ehrenreich hired on as waitress, Wal-Mart associate, nursing home assistant, and franchise service house maid, concluding that holding a single minimum wage job was insufficient for reasonable subsistence. What Barbara failed to realize is that increasing the minimum wage will drive up the price of everything else and people will be right back where they started. In paying higher wages to workers, employers will, in turn, charge more for products and services. The question is not whether people can subsist on the minimum wage, but why would anyone settle for a subsistence lifestyle? If you have to start out there, fine, I respect anyone who works over those who would mooch off others. But why stay at a minimum wage job? People can do better than that and should strive to do so. In fact, in a labor market, minimum wage jobs are supposed to be terrible--this motivates people to accumulate relevant skills. I worked a few minimum wage jobs in my previous life and never in my mind did I consider staying at any of them.
In our current economic retraction, I hear more bitching from people than ever. People complain about the difficulties of the job market and how the government isn't helping them enough. While there may may be some truth to this, I never hear these same people bitching about their own complicity in this mess. This doesn't surprise me, as blaming others, and circumstances, is a common denominator among the unsuccessful.
Find yourself in a predicament? Instead of blaming others, why not take the time to make an honest self-assessment? If you are willing to be this ruthless with yourself, of understanding why you are where you are at this point in time, then you will be able to move forward from here. Clarity may not always be pleasant but there is beauty in the truth and, often, dramatic life changes can result.
The single thing you have control over is this: what are you prepared to do now? Are you content with blaming others, effectively avoiding progression, and ensuring your continuing plummet into mediocrity and irrelevance? Or are you prepared to take responsibility for your life and focus on your potential?
In my experience, moving forward requires your becoming completely fed up and disgusted with yourself--otherwise it's easier to give up and blame others when things get tough. People who give up at the first roadblock were never serious about the goal in the first place. Perhaps it sounded good or someone else recommended it to them. In contrast, when there's a real commitment, roadblocks are simply obstacles to blast though on the way to the goal. They are not only expected but overcome with full force and no regrets.
A good friend of mine always claimed to want his own business but the timing was never right. Then, one day he went to the office and was overcome by nausea. The idea of even one more day at that job caused him to feel sick to his stomach--a sure-fire sign he was ready to move on. The state of being completely fed up with yourself and your circumstances means you are ready to move on and push forward with full commitment. Pursuing a goal with an ambivalent or cavalier attitude is a red flag for ensuing failure.
Occasionally, people tell me that if their entrepreneurial pursuit fails to bear fruit, they'll just return to their old job. I tell them to give up now, since they lack sincerity in their effort. At such times, the last thing on your mind should be visions of your plans not working out. Focus so intently upon what it is you intend to achieve that such thoughts never enter the mind. That sort of negative reality only serves those people who strive for mediocrity, not those who wish to see positive--and dramatic--outcomes to their dreams.
Life seems not always fair, no doubt. Everyone encounters problems, ranging from the inconvenient to the immense, yet ultimately each of us must take individual charge of our lives. As long as you remain focused upon what others should be doing for you (i.e. the past), you cannot move forward into the future. This is the realm of the loser. Winners are too focused on what they can do--and are too busy doing it--to concern themselves with circumstances.
Live Life Aggressively!
Mike Mahler
www.mikemahler.com
I was discovering that life just simply isn’t fair, but the difference emerges among the people that accept that idea--embrace it even--and bask in the unsung glory of knowing that each obstacle overcome along the way only adds to the satisfaction in the end. Nothing great, after all, was ever accomplished by anyone sulking in his or her misery.
---Adam Shepard, Scratch Beginnings
In his provocative book, Scratch Beginnings: Me, $25, and the Search for the American Dream, Adam Shepard undertakes a year-long experiment to ascertain first-hand the state of the American Dream. Challenging himself to start with next-to-nothing and--within a year's time--accrue $2500.00 in savings, live in a furnished apartment (solo or with roommate) and possess a vehicle, Adam travels out of state, where he has no contacts, arriving with only $25.00 and the clothes on his back. Within ten months, Adam has met his stated goals and exceeded his own expectations by saving $5000.00. He achieves this without help from friends, family or the credit card he keeps in his pocket for emergencies. Further, when applying for jobs, he never discloses he is a college graduate. A crucial ingredient to Adam’s success is his lack of self-pity: he is instead occupied in taking action to reach his objectives. This is a trait you will always see with successful people.
Adam’s journey starts in Charleston, South Carolina, where, with $25.00 in his pocket, the first roof over his head is the local homeless shelter. From this humble base (and with the help of food stamps) he takes on any job offered. Breaking with the current social norm, Adam cheerfully accepts as fact that when you have nothing, no job is beneath you, and from cleaning up dog crap in backyards in summer heat to every other form of day labor he works from sunrise to sunset. Adam firmly applies his work ethic to his goal of leaving the shelter as soon as possible. He considers any job better than sitting around and by working an odd assortment of jobs, creates a forward momentum, eventually getting hired by a moving company at a starting rate of $7.00 an hour, which, over time, grows to ten dollars an hour, enabling him to vacate the homeless shelter and progress to a shared apartment. After observing other shelter residents prematurely leave, only to end up back in the shelter again when hit with unanticipated expenses, Adam pointedly remains at the shelter until he's saved up adequate funds all the while maintaining an extremely frugal life style, scrimping every dollar possible i.e. neither restaurant meals nor vacations, and all clothing purchases are second-hand. Adam's imperative to leave the homeless shelter is tendered with patience--as well as the sacrifices necessary to ensure that once he gets out he'll stay out.
Adam understands that which many people miss: forward movement often requires personal sacrifice--or, you can't have it all, all the time. Such choices may bring about phases in your life which are out of balance, e.g. you might even have to work seven days a week, and not only without a vacation, but going to bed each night wiped out from the day's work, all the while saving every dollar possible and delaying all your favorite gratifications. However, you'd be surprised what you can make happen in just a year of deliberate and focused work. Later, once things get going, you can ease up on the reins and into a more balanced--and comfortable--lifestyle.
Adam encounters all sorts of people throughout his journey. There are some content with living and hanging out at the shelter all day, while others have ended up at the shelter with more ambition, forming determined plans to get back on their feet and depart the shelter circuit. He notices this second group don't blame anyone else for their circumstances, but accept full accountability, bolster it with a solid work ethic and a vision of where they want to be--and how to get there.
Scratch Beginnings is a rebuttal to (and rejection of) Nickel and Dimed, journalist Barbara Ehrenreich’s undercover investigative account on whether the so-called "working poor" could survive on minimum wage employment. Over the course of several months, Ehrenreich hired on as waitress, Wal-Mart associate, nursing home assistant, and franchise service house maid, concluding that holding a single minimum wage job was insufficient for reasonable subsistence. What Barbara failed to realize is that increasing the minimum wage will drive up the price of everything else and people will be right back where they started. In paying higher wages to workers, employers will, in turn, charge more for products and services. The question is not whether people can subsist on the minimum wage, but why would anyone settle for a subsistence lifestyle? If you have to start out there, fine, I respect anyone who works over those who would mooch off others. But why stay at a minimum wage job? People can do better than that and should strive to do so. In fact, in a labor market, minimum wage jobs are supposed to be terrible--this motivates people to accumulate relevant skills. I worked a few minimum wage jobs in my previous life and never in my mind did I consider staying at any of them.
In our current economic retraction, I hear more bitching from people than ever. People complain about the difficulties of the job market and how the government isn't helping them enough. While there may may be some truth to this, I never hear these same people bitching about their own complicity in this mess. This doesn't surprise me, as blaming others, and circumstances, is a common denominator among the unsuccessful.
Find yourself in a predicament? Instead of blaming others, why not take the time to make an honest self-assessment? If you are willing to be this ruthless with yourself, of understanding why you are where you are at this point in time, then you will be able to move forward from here. Clarity may not always be pleasant but there is beauty in the truth and, often, dramatic life changes can result.
The single thing you have control over is this: what are you prepared to do now? Are you content with blaming others, effectively avoiding progression, and ensuring your continuing plummet into mediocrity and irrelevance? Or are you prepared to take responsibility for your life and focus on your potential?
In my experience, moving forward requires your becoming completely fed up and disgusted with yourself--otherwise it's easier to give up and blame others when things get tough. People who give up at the first roadblock were never serious about the goal in the first place. Perhaps it sounded good or someone else recommended it to them. In contrast, when there's a real commitment, roadblocks are simply obstacles to blast though on the way to the goal. They are not only expected but overcome with full force and no regrets.
A good friend of mine always claimed to want his own business but the timing was never right. Then, one day he went to the office and was overcome by nausea. The idea of even one more day at that job caused him to feel sick to his stomach--a sure-fire sign he was ready to move on. The state of being completely fed up with yourself and your circumstances means you are ready to move on and push forward with full commitment. Pursuing a goal with an ambivalent or cavalier attitude is a red flag for ensuing failure.
Occasionally, people tell me that if their entrepreneurial pursuit fails to bear fruit, they'll just return to their old job. I tell them to give up now, since they lack sincerity in their effort. At such times, the last thing on your mind should be visions of your plans not working out. Focus so intently upon what it is you intend to achieve that such thoughts never enter the mind. That sort of negative reality only serves those people who strive for mediocrity, not those who wish to see positive--and dramatic--outcomes to their dreams.
Life seems not always fair, no doubt. Everyone encounters problems, ranging from the inconvenient to the immense, yet ultimately each of us must take individual charge of our lives. As long as you remain focused upon what others should be doing for you (i.e. the past), you cannot move forward into the future. This is the realm of the loser. Winners are too focused on what they can do--and are too busy doing it--to concern themselves with circumstances.
Live Life Aggressively!
Mike Mahler
www.mikemahler.com
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Memory illusions and why most do not learn from their mistakes
The elaborate tapestry of our experience is not stored in memory—at least not in its entirety. Rather, it is compressed for storage by first being reduced to a few critical threads, such as a summary phrase (“Dinner was disappointing”). Later, when we want to remember our experience, our brains quickly reweave the tapestry by fabricating--not by actually retrieving--the bulk of the information that we experience as memory. This fabrication happens so quickly and effortlessly that we have the illusion that the entire thing was in our heads the entire time. — Daniel Gilbert
One of the main reasons people don't learn from their experiences is because their memories of what happened are inaccurate. The memory of what actually occurred can be so distant from truth that the memory is worthless as a learning tool thus the same mistakes are repeated over and over. So much for experience and wisdom going hand and hand!
I experienced this firsthand when reviewing the film footage for The Boys Are Back In Town kettlebell workshop last year. As most of you know, my brother filmed the workshop and we turned it into a DVD set. Some of the footage surprised me, for example, the final panel discussion was much different than I remembered: My memory was that when asked a question I'd get to the point quickly, but in reality I went on big tangents, taking forever to get to the point! Needless to say, that footage didn't make the cut. This experience was extremely helpful and every workshop since I've applied the "less is more" concept. At least that's what I think I'm doing...according to my fabricated memories!
The concept of subjectively fabricating our memories brings to mind an episode from a popular 80's sitcom. The television family are victims of a robbery and a visiting police officer interviews each family member to report what happened. The problem is each family member has a vastly different memory of what took place. Each family member recalls their own brave actions throughout the robbery while remembering everyone else as petrified with fear. This is another example of the mind's trickery: putting all our actions into a positive context to support, and even justify, those actions. By the end of the episode, the police officer realizes each family member's testimony is worthless. What really happened is up for grabs, even the people who were present don't know.
Another reason for our faulty memories is a tendency to recall, and interpret, events in order to meet the expectations of others, e.g., we see something and may classify as "terrible" but if popular opinion names it acceptable, we'll file it away in our minds as "acceptable". One of my favorite shows, M.A.S.H., aired an episode regarding just such mental fabrication. On the show, the main character, Hawkeye, fondly recalls his memories of growing up with his cousin. Hawkeye remembers his cousin as mentor and close friend; however, after probing further into his memory with the help of a psychologist, Hawkeye recalls his cousin's attempt to drown him by forcing his head underwater and holding it there. Pulling him out of the water at the last minute, the cousin has the audacity to inform Hawkeye he's just saved his life! Hawkeye’s family thinks the cousin is a great guy and loves him, so rather then telling his father what really happened, Hawkeye accepts a mental fabrication that his cousin saved his life instead of attempting to drown him. Yet the truth was stored deep in his subconscious mind and destined to surface in the future. Sometimes we find truth too difficult to accept because it could shatter our world view. Rather than facing it as is, we process it into something we find more agreeable. Then we'll push the truth into the back of our minds, filed away within stacks of do-not-open boxes.
While the truthful memories are stored away in the subconscious mind and therefore not easily accessible, our refined, easy-to-digest fabrications are kept readily at-hand, ready to feed our self-delusions.
Over many years of providing people with online training services, I've realized the best way to get people on track and keep them there is by insisting they keep training journals. When the client's goals are losing fat or putting on size, nutrition journals are also critical. A recent study of 685 people showed that subjects who kept accurate diet journals lost twice as much weight than those who didn't.
What is so magical about writing things down? Assuming you're honest and keeping a detailed journal, your journal keeps those truths in front of you. This means you record your food intake immediately to ensure accuracy, i.e., after eating breakfast you write down every single thing you ate. Cream and sugar in your coffee? If yes, you'll record it promptly and later do the calorie total and a macro nutrient breakdown for each meal.
f you "cheat"--maybe you have a Snickers while driving to work--you write it down. After a week of keeping a detailed diet journal the truth is in front of you. You'll understand why you're not losing weight and can make the necessary modifications to get on track. Relying on memory is a delusional no-brainer, people tend to recall only their healthy food choices any given day. My online clients are shocked when they review their daily food logs and tally calorie numbers. I've had people estimate their daily caloric intake at 2000 calories only to discover they are, in fact, consuming 3500 calories...or more. I've had clients describe their sugar consumption as "insignificant" when in truth it was "colossal".
Remember, for your journal to be accurate (and therefore, useful) you must record your food intake as soon as it goes down. Don't make the common mistake of waiting for the end of the day, then relying upon a faulty memory to summarize the day's meals--your journal is sure to be inaccurate. Yes, this means you must carry a pen and notebook (or other recording device) at all times. A nuisance, you say? Sure it is. You can always opt, as most people do, to remain overweight. You have your choice of burdens: either carrying a pen and notebook along everywhere and recording your meals or continuing humping around fifty extra pounds of fat. You have free will to decide which is the bigger nuisance. Hopefully, your decision won't be colored by fabricated, faulty memories, justifications, or outright lies.
Dietary indiscretions aside, another subject regarding our flawed memories to which most of us can relate is credit card statements. We receive our monthly credit card statement and are shocked by the balance. We think there must be a mistake, scrutinizing each expenditure, knowing that certainly we couldn't possibly have spent so much money. After adding everything up, we discover the statement is correct, and worse, just because we don't remember spending the money, doesn't mean we didn’t. Overspending with a credit card is tantamount to overeating. Most people don't bother keeping track of either, thus finding themselves fat and broke. Unpleasant, perhaps, but an honest assessment.
Another arena requiring detailed record keeping is running your own (successful) business. Imagine relying on memory to recall the money made and spent each month! This is an effective way to go out of business with the quickness. Ask me how I know. This is how I ran my previous business many years ago. I was so busy trying to drum up business each day that I didn't bother keeping track of how much actual income I was generating. Since I was always so busy, always working hard, I deluded myself into believing I was making money. Well, why wouldn't I be making money? I was working my ass off and we all know hard work goes hand-in-hand with money-making, right? When, finally, I calculated my income against my expenditures, the truth right there: I was not only earning nothing, I was going further into debt each month keeping a defective business afloat.
Fortunately, I learned a tough lesson from an otherwise meaningless business venture. Meaningless because it didn't represent me, nor what I wanted to do with my life. My current work, on the other hand, is meaningful and one factor that allowed me to build my this successful business is accurate accounting. I can tell you exactly, right now, my income--down to the cents--and no, this isn't in my head, but a detailed business journal.
When you know your exact number, there is a natural human drive to improve it. The context doesn't matter: whether you're trying to lose fat, gain muscular size and strength, or make more money, you need to know your number. When you know it, you'll work hard and amass creative energy to improve it. When you remain ignorant of your number, you're inclined to rely on fabricated memories, or worse, lies.
Our memories are insufficient, and potentially only as real as the movies which entertain us. Making an honest, accurate assessment of yourself may seem depressing, but truth, in all its forms, is nothing less than beautiful. What's depressing is lying to yourself and choosing to remain in the matrix of your mind.Thursday, June 12, 2008
We are the entertainment-addict Generation
“Are you not entertained?” ~ from the movie Gladiator
We're an entertainment-addicted society. We need to be entertained at every waking moment and who knows, maybe even our dreams are next. Four hours of TV per night is no longer enough: we need to be able to watch TV on our cell phones, have TV monitors in elevators to be entertained on the fifteen-second ride to our floor, and even in cabs--heaven forbid we look out the window and observe the world as we cross town. We even view thought-provoking video commercials while standing in line at the grocery store--the possibility of boredom while waiting to buy things is unacceptable!
Restaurants now have TV’s positioned around the dining rooms so every guest can enjoy the pleasure of moronic television shows and avoid talking to the people in front of them. Thanks to cell phones, we enjoy eavesdropping on intellectually stimulating conversations of strangers around us as they get input from friends and family on important decisions such as whether they ought to get Cocoa Puffs or Fruit Loops at the grocery store. Forget using cell phones for emergencies, use them all day long and exploit as many meaningless conversations as your plan allows!
It's a good thing we have computers and the Internet at work: faking working has gotten so much easier this way. You no longer have to be bored at work, i.e., actually doing your job, now you can spend the workday day on idiotic message boards talking to people that you'll never meet in real life. When that gets boring, you can spend the rest of the day watching home video clips on YouTube. Once another "productive" day at work closes, it's time to go home and spend the evening entertaining yourself further with such stimulating TV shows as The Moment of Truth and The Flavor Of Love.
No need to think about what you'd actually want to do with your life nor what line of work you'd enjoy. Work isn't supposed to be fun and a job is supposed to be, well, a job! That's the bill of goods you've bought--hook and sinker--and why shouldn't you follow the masses? Just keep distracting yourself with entertainment outlets...and when you're on your deathbed you won't have the regret of inadequate entertainment during your fulfilling lifetime.
It seems many movie and TV production companies are all-to-aware aware of our addiction to entertainment and her fat cousin, spectacle. Thus they no longer bore us with neither complex plots nor dialogue in movies and shows. Why bother with character or story development when we can watch things blowing up and otherwise getting tossed around for ninety minutes? Ah yes, it's fun being part of the MTV generation! Forget about movies which might inspire people to live more fully. Nah! Living vicariously is the in-thing...and the masses are skilled at it. In fact, if the sport of living vicariously-though-entertainment ever becomes an Olympic event, we'll win, hands down!
You'd think that with our addiction to entertainment and our access to information we'd no longer accept boring jobs, only doing what genuinely interests. Yet that's not the case. Many people accept a bill of goods that jobs are boring you'll have to put up with forty-plus hours of boredom per week, then get in as much entertainment as possible during off-hours and weekends to make up for it. Hell, if you can get in as much entertainment as possible when you're at work, via the Internet, who says you can't have it all?
Unfortunately, our entertainment-addiction hasn't carried over to the places where it really matters. It's used instead as a coping mechanism to accept our lives as they are without bothering to change. After all, why bother taking risks and doing the hard work that it takes to make the changes necessary to living a fulfilling life? Far easier is vicarious living though others, via entertainment sources. But entertainment rarely inspires us to make our own lives better, merely substituting for deeper experiences of life. When we disassociate the entertainment from our experience of living, we don't see the obvious connection of how one, when used properly, can improve the other.
In addition to being an entertainment-addicted society, we're also a society which no longer understands the concept of delayed gratification. After all, not having what we want--right now--is boring! Working hard and sacrificing are unacceptable options; we want things now and if we can't afford those things, there are friendly--and generous--companies willing to lend us the money it takes to make all our material dreams come true.
These lenders, of course, have our best interests in mind, only charging a reasonable 20% plus APR to borrow money, so we can buy the mountains of things that we need to fill up our garages. Want a big screen TV but can't afford it? No problem! Just sign up for the monthly installment plan and spend the rest of your life paying it off. Who cares if the $4000 TV ultimately costs you $20,000 in interest fees, when--and if--you ever pay it off? You must live fully in the moment and refuse to sacrifice the now! After all, that's the secret to enjoying life, right? If you cannot afford something, get it anyway and worry not about the consequences--maybe you'll get lucky and die, sparing yourself the worry about paying back the money.
A result of our entertainment addiction and hatred of delayed gratification is that saving money is now an outdated concept. Money is for spending, in order to be entertained now. Putting away money is boring and doesn't at all support our present entertainment. As for the future, I'm sure things will just work out fine--right? I hope so.
It's no wonder that moronic sayings, such as fake it until you make it, are so popular today. Our society has become very good at faking it: we fake liking jobs we hate; we fake enjoying lives that we detest; we fake being happy when we're miserable inside. We fake being who we aren't and yes, we even fake financial wealth when we're living month to month. Well, you can't fake success or happiness, no matter how hard you try, so don't bother. Further, if you work hard, and pay the price of success, you'll never have to "fake it". If you do some self-reflection, and determine what makes you happy, you don't have to fake it.
I don't think there's anything wrong with watching TV or a good movie. In fact, while 99% of TV is garbage, the few quality shows are better than all the campy shows that used to be on many years ago. The Shield, 24, The Tudors and Sleeper Cell are all well-made shows, with good acting and engaging plots. Shows like these, in addition to being engaging, can actually provoke independent thought. Addiction to entertainment, and using it as a substitute for living a genuine life, is a slippery slope for some--and an avalanche for most. People are better than that and should expect more of themselves.
So where do we go from here? One, stop playing the distraction game. Stop distracting yourself from living your life fully and try spending an hour alone with your thoughts each day. This means no music, TV, reading, no conversations--nothing for that hour. Don’t worry, you can go back to your four hours of TV after the hour is up! You may find this painfully boring, which says a lot about your lack of imagination. The more dialogues you have with yourself, the better you'll know yourself, giving you the impetus to make some changes in your life. A more aggressive approach is to unplug the TV for an entire week, turn off the cell phone except for emergencies, and check email just once per day. You'll learn a lot about yourself in a week of unplugging...and you may not like what you find. Brutal reality may be unpleasant but clarity is necessary for growth. Otherwise, keep distracting yourself as the years go by and changes occur, though, most likely, they won't be the changes you want
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Are You Worthy Of Advice?
By Mike Mahler
Most of life is on-the-job training. Some of the most important things can only be learned in the process of doing them. You do something and you get feedback--about what works and what doesn’t. If you don’t do anything for fear of doing it wrong, poorly, or badly, you never get any feedback, and therefore you never get to improve. — Jack Canfield
An interesting thing about good advice is that it' doesn't usually benefit the recipient unless he has enough life experience to comprehend the value. For instance, until I'd made every marketing mistake in the book, I didn't grasp the importance of researching effective marketing strategies and seeking advice from excellent marketers. Part of learning what works is learning what doesn't work and when I bitterly understood the results of ineffective marketing strategy, I became an empty glass, thirsty to fill myself with productive marketing skills.
When you don't understand the value of the advice given, it doesn't matter how great it is, you simply aren't ready for the message. You've got to earn the ability to assimilate advice in order to benefit from it. The most impeccable system for mastering calculus is meaningless if you haven't yet taken algebra and geometry. Calculus is way too advanced for you; you're not ready. Once you start the calculus course and begin struggling to achieve, you'll be receptive to advice.
Generally, when things are going well (or at least we think they're going well) we're less open to advice. Try giving advice to someone who's just begun strength training and you'll know what I mean--remember when you first started training? In the first months trainees can make terrific progress on just about any program, so at this stage they typically aren't open to any advice, thinking they know what they're doing and that infinite progress is theirs. However, once their progress slogs down to nothing or, worse, they're injured, trainees may finally realize they don't have all the answers after all. Not only are they now open to advice, they'll actively seek it to get back on track...that, or they give up.
Of course, seeking advice doesn't mean you're ready to receive advice. Often, advice-seekers attempt to postpone the inevitable while they safely remain in research mode. They tell themselves when they've done enough research and heard enough advice, they'll take some kind of action. The problem is no amount of advice or research is ever enough. No matter the exceptional advice they're given, they imagine they need still more. No matter how much research they do, they suffer a need to do still more. Somehow these people think if they can just secure enough advice, and carry out enough research, they're safe from making mistakes. The fear of making mistakes is the fundamental reason so many people neither grow nor find their success; their anxieties about hard work and failure delay necessary action. The results? Their fears come to fruition.
Making mistakes--and lots of them--is simply part of the learning process. Everybody remembers NBA great Michael Jordan as an incredible player yet his only record is for the most missed. shots. ever. Michael risked more shots than any other player, thus missing more shots than anyone. However, he scored lots of shots, which is what people remember. He wasn't afraid to miss, realizing the more chances taken, the more chances for success; he'd never have made all those shots without the record misses. For analogy, who would you rather be: a salesperson who makes a single call with a single success, or a salesperson making one thousand calls resulting in one hundred sales? The former has a 100% closing rate, while the latter has only 10%, but we must look at results, not percentages. The second salesman closed one hundred deals while the first guy only closed one! I guarantee the second sales guy learned more on his way up, thereby being more open and more able to improve and benefit from meaningful advice. The first salesman, with his 100% closing rate, is unlikely to be open to advice. Again, experience is the magic ingredient so crucial to valuing timely advice.
I used to believe people who paid for advice valued it most, but since, I've witnessed thousands of people getting great results simply by reading my free articles while clients paying me for online consultations take neither me nor themselves seriously, ending up dissatisfied with their lack of (desirable) results. Some people think spending money for advice is a sure thing, but it means nothing if you're not following through, i.e., if you don't value the money you've spent on advice, neither will you value the advice given. Or perhaps you're one of those reaping the benefits of collecting the great free advice available out there, all because of your receptivity and right mindset.
The bottom line: there's a right time and place to benefit from advice. If you're not in that time and place, no benefit. You must earn the right to a receptive mind.
So, before asking anyone for advice, make sure you're worthy to receive it.
Live Life Aggressively!
Mike Mahler
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