Are You Worthy Of Advice?

By Mike Mahler

Most of life is on-the-job training. Some of the most important things can only be learned in the process of doing them. You do something and you get feedback--about what works and what doesn’t. If you don’t do anything for fear of doing it wrong, poorly, or badly, you never get any feedback, and therefore you never get to improve. — Jack Canfield

An interesting thing about good advice is that it' doesn't usually benefit the recipient unless he has enough life experience to comprehend the value. For instance, until I'd made every marketing mistake in the book, I didn't grasp the importance of researching effective marketing strategies and seeking advice from excellent marketers. Part of learning what works is learning what doesn't work and when I bitterly understood the results of ineffective marketing strategy, I became an empty glass, thirsty to fill myself with productive marketing skills.

When you don't understand the value of the advice given, it doesn't matter how great it is, you simply aren't ready for the message. You've got to earn the ability to assimilate advice in order to benefit from it. The most impeccable system for mastering calculus is meaningless if you haven't yet taken algebra and geometry. Calculus is way too advanced for you; you're not ready. Once you start the calculus course and begin struggling to achieve, you'll be receptive to advice.

Generally, when things are going well (or at least we think they're going well) we're less open to advice. Try giving advice to someone who's just begun strength training and you'll know what I mean--remember when you first started training? In the first months trainees can make terrific progress on just about any program, so at this stage they typically aren't open to any advice, thinking they know what they're doing and that infinite progress is theirs. However, once their progress slogs down to nothing or, worse, they're injured, trainees may finally realize they don't have all the answers after all. Not only are they now open to advice, they'll actively seek it to get back on track...that, or they give up.

Of course, seeking advice doesn't mean you're ready to receive advice. Often, advice-seekers attempt to postpone the inevitable while they safely remain in research mode. They tell themselves when they've done enough research and heard enough advice, they'll take some kind of action. The problem is no amount of advice or research is ever enough. No matter the exceptional advice they're given, they imagine they need still more. No matter how much research they do, they suffer a need to do still more. Somehow these people think if they can just secure enough advice, and carry out enough research, they're safe from making mistakes. The fear of making mistakes is the fundamental reason so many people neither grow nor find their success; their anxieties about hard work and failure delay necessary action. The results? Their fears come to fruition.

Making mistakes--and lots of them--is simply part of the learning process. Everybody remembers NBA great Michael Jordan as an incredible player yet his only record is for the most missed. shots. ever. Michael risked more shots than any other player, thus missing more shots than anyone. However, he scored lots of shots, which is what people remember. He wasn't afraid to miss, realizing the more chances taken, the more chances for success; he'd never have made all those shots without the record misses. For analogy, who would you rather be: a salesperson who makes a single call with a single success, or a salesperson making one thousand calls resulting in one hundred sales? The former has a 100% closing rate, while the latter has only 10%, but we must look at results, not percentages. The second salesman closed one hundred deals while the first guy only closed one! I guarantee the second sales guy learned more on his way up, thereby being more open and more able to improve and benefit from meaningful advice. The first salesman, with his 100% closing rate, is unlikely to be open to advice. Again, experience is the magic ingredient so crucial to valuing timely advice.

I used to believe people who paid for advice valued it most, but since, I've witnessed thousands of people getting great results simply by reading my free articles while clients paying me for online consultations take neither me nor themselves seriously, ending up dissatisfied with their lack of (desirable) results. Some people think spending money for advice is a sure thing, but it means nothing if you're not following through, i.e., if you don't value the money you've spent on advice, neither will you value the advice given. Or perhaps you're one of those reaping the benefits of collecting the great free advice available out there, all because of your receptivity and right mindset.

The bottom line: there's a right time and place to benefit from advice. If you're not in that time and place, no benefit. You must earn the right to a receptive mind.

So, before asking anyone for advice, make sure you're worthy to receive it.

Live Life Aggressively!

Mike Mahler

No Need To Be Jealous Of Others

By Mike Mahler

“If you are discontented but unwilling to give up what is holding you back, you will have to admit that it is you who has chosen to reject success and to abandon the dream of being all of the best you can be. If this is so, you can stop getting jealous whenever you see other people around you succeeding in the life you thought you wanted for yourself.”
– Chin-Ning Chu, from her book Do Less, Achieve More

Over the years, I've realized you can't want success for others more than they want it for themselves. You can give someone the tools they need for success but if they don't use those tools and follow through, success will always evade them. You can send them opportunity after opportunity and introduce them to all the right people, yet success will always evade them. Why are some people not prepared to lay the groundwork for success? Who knows? As motivational speaker Jim Rohn says, “It's one of the mysteries of the universe.”

The main reasons people fail to succeed? Lack of self-responsibility and self-awareness. You have to take charge of your life and take responsibility for your success. It's not anyone else’s job but your own to be successful--as long as you rely on other people and relinquish responsibility, you won't experience success. No matter what others do for you, if you don't take responsibility for yourself, it's all in vain.

I once had an online client who signed up for a three-month program. I put a program together for him and never heard back...until six months later when he emailed me complaining I'd let him fall off-course and that it was my fault he didn't succeed. In his world, it was my fault. After all, he'd done his part in paying for the program, right? Wrong: you can't buy success; success is earned though action. Yes, you can buy knowledge, which is critical to success--but certainly not everything, there are plenty of knowledgeable people out there in all manner of fields who aren't successful, due to lack of right action.

Lets get back to the client: the client didn't follow the program designed for him and never sent me his training journal. I require all my clients to keep a training journal and to send me that journal every Friday for review. This keeps the client and I both engaged and committed; however, I clarify up front that if you neglect to email your journal I won't be emailing you.

I'm not the type of trainer who'll come to your house and wake you up in the morning or call everyday to motivate you--that's not what “Aggressive Strength” is all about. I want to work with people who are ready to make a change and are self-motivated. These people require guidance, direction, and a personalized program to fit their lifestyle. That's the service I provide--not coddling people and treating them like children.

The online client who didn't follow through on his end chose to blame me for his lack of success, even though he chose to neither follow the program designed for him nor to send his journal for feedback. While he was motivated enough to pay for a training program, he wasn't motivated enough to take the real-world action and responsibility necessary for his success. Many people feel that if they're paying someone for a service, that person is now responsible for their success. Well, it doesn't work that way: no one else can do this work for you. You can't drop the “success burden” upon others and expect positive results--such a mentality is for losers! The best others can do for you is act as guides and consultants, supporting your getting on track and staying there. At the end of the day, you have to put in the work.

Next, lets talk about self-awareness: what do you know about yourself--and of what are you capable? What is it about yourself that holds you back? Plenty, probably, if you take an honest appraisal. Yes, you have to take a ruthless look at yourself and address your weak points. Of course, this means actually accepting that you have weak points and then, more importantly, doing something about them. The former is often harder than the latter as it's easy to wear blinders and blame circumstances or the world for your own lack of success--people do it every day.

One common trait holding back unsuccessful people is their jealousy of others' successes. The unsuccessful can't stand to see people do what they themselves didn't have the stones for. Whenever someone acquires success, the jealous people get angry. What they fail to realize is this: successful people are prepared to pay the price of success, thus any jealousy of that success is both petty and counterproductive. Jealousy is a wasted emotion which misplaces your focus. Again, the focus needs to be not on others, but inward--on what you are prepared to do. Your own lack of success isn't anyone else’s fault, and your wasted jealous energy won't change this.

Rather than feeling jealousy around successful people, a better use of vital energy is feeling inspiration--realizing that what others can do, so can you. It boils down to that word no one wants to hear: sacrifice. What are you prepared to sacrifice for success? You can't watch four hours of TV everyday, then waste four more hours surfing the Internet, then complain that you don't have time for creating success. When you take time to assess your situation and your daily habits, what becomes clear is what you're not doing and thus, what needs to be done. The only question left is--what are you prepared to do now?

One thing is certain: days turn into weeks, weeks into months, and months into years. Before you know it, you've repeated the same year over and over again as a decade's passed you by. But you always have this choice: if you're content where you are, stay there and continue with your daily routine--or, choose a new direction for yourself and finish what you once started.

Live Life Aggressively!

Mike Mahler

Stress Kills

By Mike Mahler

"I am an old man and have a great many troubles, but most of them have never happened." - Mark Twain

Stress is by far one of the greatest destroyers of health. Both mental health and physical health. Stress increases cortisol levels. Cortisol is a stress hormone that is necessary for life. Without enough cortisol you will have no motivation and no energy. However, excessive cortisol levels literally eat away at brain tissue and muscle. More and more studies are coming out linking high cortisol levels to alzheimer's disease and dementia. Stress is pretty scary stuff and many people are way too casual about having high stress levels.

The interesting thing about stress is how it manifests and how often it is self induced. Oddly enough the people that you would assume have the least amount of stress often have the highest levels of stress. Through my world travels I have often observed that the less problems someone has the more stress he or she has. As crazy as it may sound, not having any real problems can be stressful! Most people would not admit it, but many people thrive on conflict and problems. Solving problems and resolving conflicts induces growth. No real stress means no growth and that in itself is stressful! In the movie "The Matrix" a computer program talks about how the initial computer generated program for humans was a utopia in which there were no problems. The program was a disaster and humans died left and right. The second program was more like our world wrought with violence and suffering. The program was a success. Thus, the conclusion in the movie is that humans thrive on misery and suffering. Not too far from the truth. Without problems we do not develop fully and waste away. Thus, perhaps the creation of problems is a self preservation mechanism. We need problems to live fully and if we do not have any real problems, we create them.

Much of stress has to do with how one interprets any given situation. A millionaire has problems that non millionaires do not have such as how to hang on to the money, avoid paying excessive taxes, and evade gold diggers and other manipulators. These may seem trivial in comparison to other forms of stress. However, stress is based on how the individual handles it. An impoverished individual living in a hut in Kenya with a big smile on his face everyday may very well have less stress than a workaholic millionaire. To illustrate with another example, a soldier in war may be less stressed out than an impatient lady in a restaurant that is throwing a fit due to her meal being five minutes late. Sounds impossible to believe. Nevertheless, just as beauty is in the eye of the beholder, the interpretation of stress is in the mind of the individual.

One facet of stress that is fascinating is many people create incredible levels of stress over problems that are probably never going to happen. Worrying about what may or may not happen is natural to a degree as the unknowns in life can be stressful. Regardless, obsessing about what could go wrong is a sure-fire way to drive yourself crazy. Accepting the reality that there are things that are out of your control requires a level of faith. In return you get a level of peace of mind that all you can do is place your best effort and let the chips fall where they may. Realizing that life is "controlled chaos" is not easy as taking a truth pill is often not easy to digest.

Next, some people believe that the more problems they have, the more important they are. I have even seen people compete with friends regarding who has more problems. No matter what one person says, someone else will try to top that person. Many people like to wear their problems like a badge of honor. "Look how great I am with all of these problems." On the other hand, people with real problems are often too busy dealing with them or living with them to gloat. The last thing they want to do is show off about their problems. They consider such actions embarrassing.

This does not mean that venting is out of the question or that bitching about problems is unacceptable. No doubt, letting it all out from time to time has a beneficial cleansing effect. However, harboring on the same problem over and over again and not doing anything productive to solve the problems is a waste of time. At some point some meaningful action steps have to occur. Instead of complaining endlessly regarding your problems, take a page from Viktor Frankl and ask yourself if you are worthy of your sufferings. This mental paradigm shift can provide an entirely new perspective that results in a greater mastery of stress.

Finally, perhaps the greatest self induced stress creator is the obsession with the opinions of others. I am always amazed by people that worry about what strangers think of them. They literally live their lives for the approval of others which is no way to live. Sure getting praise from others is nice. However, living an artificial life for the sake of pleasing others is very stressful. Usually the stress does not show as these people are putting on an act in public. However, internally incredible levels of cortisol are being produced. Not living an authentic life creates a great deal of internal stress. You can only hold it back for so long. Eventually the stress reaches a critical mass with disastrous consequences.

Make no mistake about it stress is a killer and learning how to handle stress is one of the most important things you can do. Stop worrying about everything and live more in the moment. If you are full invested in the moment then the future has a way of working out. Next, stop obsessing with the opinions of others. Who cares what other people think of you. Life is stressful enough. Live an authentic life not one in which you constantly seek the approval of others. Next, take some time to breathe. Whenever you get stressed, you naturally hold your breathe. Breathe in deeply and breathe out and take a moment for yourself whenever you need it. Finally, have your Doctor do some Saliva tests to measure your DHEA and Cortisol levels.

Make Mistakes And Persevere To Be Successful

By Mike Mahler

"A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles." – Christopher Reeve

I had a great conversation with my friend David Weck this past weekend on what it takes to be successful. Dave is the creator of the BOSU www.bosu.com which is one of the hottest fitness products around. I literally see the BOSU everywhere and unlike some other lame fitness products, the BOSU is an incredible training tool that I recommend highly. Anyway lets get back to my conversation with Dave. Similar to most successful people, Dave worked his ass off to achieve his immense success. He had tons of roadblocks on the way and there were many moments in which he thought he was done. No one gave him a roadmap to success. He simply had to act, fail a lot, persevere, and eventually achieve immense success.

This is a common path that most successful people have been through. What separates Dave from most people is he was not afraid to make mistakes. He made plenty and still does. However, he also hits home runs from time to time and they more than make up for all of the mistakes. Remember, in professional baseball if you hit the ball three times out of every ten at bats, you are a superstar! This means you are missing the ball 70% of the time! a 30% average is an F in school. Get over the illusion of having A+ results in the real world. If you are closing 90% of the deals you go after then you are either a liar or do not have enough deals. The more at bats you take the more misses you will have. However, do enough at bats and you hit a few balls as well. The key is to keep going for the hits and forget about the misses. Only losers get beaten down by mistakes. Winners take them in stride and are too busy pushing forward to give up.

Now that Dave is highly successful, he gets people coming to him all of the time for his secrets to success. These people are looking for a seamless path to success and hope that Dave has all of the answers. While it is great to get ideas from successful people on how to make it, you are kidding yourself if you think you can avoid suffering and failure on the way to success. If you are not prepared to get your hands dirty and put it all on the line, then do not bother starting. Moreover, do not bother wasting Dave's time or any other successful persons time. You have to get out there and learn how to be successful. You have to read the books, try plans out, fail miserably many times and still have the courage to persevere. You have to be able to persevere through being defeated day after day, month after month, and even year after year. You have to wake up the next day after being kicked around and do it all over again. You have to be able to get your ass kicked, recover and come back for more. Yes it is a fight and you need to be able to go all twelve rounds and then twelve more. Few have what it takes which is great for those of us that do as it means less competition, ha ha.

Most people will not even make it past the first set back. They get rejected once or do not have immediate success and it is all over. Pathetic to say the least. Such people do not deserve success as they do not value their lives. Especially if they are in America which is the equivalent to winning a lottery ticket. Making it here is much less easier than elsewhere. Unfortunately, people that are born in America rarely value the gift. Study successful people and I challenge you to find one person that had an easy road to success. Interesting people are people that persevered through rough times. You cannot have personal growth without tough experiences. No personal growth equals a very boring life and a very boring person.

Why do so many people give up at the first sign of failure? Why do others do whatever is necessary to make it? Who knows. It is one of the great mysteries of the universe. Regardless, I have a theory. People that give up easily are simply people that are nor prepared for success. They are nor prepared to do what needs to be done and suffer accordingly.

Without hard work, set backs, suffering, frustrations, and problems you will never enjoy the successes when you finally make it. You can apply whatever excuse you want. Maybe they had mean parents. Maybe they grew up in the inner city. While all of these are extremely influential factors, eventually you have to take responsibility for your life. You have to face your inner demons, crush them, and make your life what you want it to be. The arduous process is what reveals the inner diamonds. There is a difference between being a millionaire and having a million dollars. People that were given a million dollars did not have to work for it like the people who earned it through hard work, problem solving, and working smart. People that achieve their fitness goals through proper training, restoration, and nutrition are always more empowered than people that get cosmetic surgery.

People that are afraid to get their hands dirty are afraid of change. They really do not want to change or they would be busy working instead of applying delaying tactic methods. Yes eventually all talk has to stop and you have to act. Getting excited about an idea is easy. People do it all of the time. Every January 1, millions of people get excited about working out and getting in great shape. By January 15th, 50% of those people have given up. By March 1 the other 49% have as well. The final 1% get their hands dirty and finish what they start.

The only question left is are you part of the 1% club?

Live Life Aggressively!

Mike Mahler

Hate Your Job? You Are In A Dark Place

By Mike Mahler

"If you don't like your job, your boss, or the associates with whom you spend a third of your daily life, you're in a dark place, a pit. Sometimes the money explains the compromise, the benefits, the hours, and the convenience." - Dave Draper

Those of you that have been reading my newsletter for a while probably know where I am going this week. Thus, I will start by stating that I respect anyone that works for a living. There is pride that should be taken in working and there are so many losers that just want hand outs such as some homeless people and worse trust fund recipients. I have no respect for "vultures" that try to ride off the work of other people. That is down right pathetic. I have done many lame jobs in my life and respect anyone that is willing to pay his or her dues and work several jobs to make ends meet. I know many people that work their tails off to provide for their families and I have the utmost respect for such people. That said, I will begin my weekly rant ;-)

There is no reason why you should not be excited about working. Work should be fun, fulfilling, and enjoyable. You should look forward to working. Just recently I was talking to my friend Chris Pontius who is working on the upcoming movie "Jackass 2." Chris is very enthusiastic about the movie and wakes up every day ecstatic about going to work. When you talk to him on the phone and meet him in person, it is very clear that he loves life and loves his work. He recently told me that everyone should be excited about what they do. I agree with Chris and one of the reasons why we are friends is because we are both enthusiastic about what we do. Enthusiastic people want to be around similar people. No one wants to be around people that think that life sucks and people that complain about their lame problems all day long. Personally I do not tolerate such people and do not let them infiltrate my life.

Now you are probably thinking of course Chris loves his life. He is making a movie and has a great lifestyle. What is not to like? Well, you have to look at the price Chris paid to get to where he is. For a long time he was living in his car and barely had to coins to rub together. He had to use his dirty laundry as a blanket to keep him warm at night. Okay, I am joking about that part. Nevertheless, how long would you last living in your car? Chris persevered. He never gave up and is now enjoying the fruits of his labor and determination. He has a great wife, three dogs, and owns two houses. One in Hollywood and one in Hawaii. Not bad at all!

How many of you have made or would be willing to make sacrifices like Chris? Do not think so? Then do not whine about how others have what you want. If you are not willing to pay the price, you do not deserve the reward. Also, keep in mind that not all "celebrities" are happy people. I have met some celebrities that have plenty of money and hate what they do. They are negative about everything and are real lame people to be around. I have met some strength coaches that fall into the same category. They have the appearance of loving what they do, but behind the scenes, they hate it and have no respect for their customers. They put out crappy products to make a quick buck. This is beyond pathetic to say the least. I will quit being a coach long before I ever let it get to that point. I love working with my online clients and the people who attend my seminars. I go to bed every night feeling great about what I do and waking up excited to begin the day which starts at the early time of 11am for me! I know, I know I am an early riser. While I have not being doing this for decades, I have done it long enough that the novelty has worn off. What is left is genuine enthusiasm for my line of work.

Now you may be thinking I should be happy about what I do. However, what about jobs that are not glamorous at all. Well, the lady who cleans my apartment is very upbeat and positive. Most people would hate what she does for a living, but she takes pride in doing her job very well and has carved out a great living doing it. Hell, she even has a nicer car than I do ;-) It does not matter whether I like what you do or not, what matters is do you like it? If yes, great and if no, do something about it. My friend Dan has been trying to break into Hollywood for years. Even after years of frustration, he is still an upbeat guy and very friendly to everyone. Just recently he started getting some great gigs and is on cloud nine. However, he is still the same cool guy that he was when nothing was going on. He has always put 100% into the process and is finally reaping the rewards. If he did not love what he was doing, he would have given up a long time ago.

Where am I going? The achievement of goals is fleeting even if you do love what you do. It is the process that has to be enjoyable. You need the goal so you know where you are going and the achievement of goals is how you measure growth. However, enjoyment of the process is a critical component. If you do a job in which you make a nice paycheck but the process is miserable, you are really cheating yourself and the effects will be all too apparent with your health. There is certainly a correlation with low levels of Testosterone, Growth Hormone, and DHEA and having a job that you hate regardless of how much money you make. Now I am not saying that having a job that you love guarantees optimal anabolic hormones. However there is no doubt in my mind that it will help a great deal for a lot of people. The main reason being that your stress levels (cortisol) will be much lower. The higher the Cortisol, the lower the DHEA, T, and GH. If you hate what you do, your cortisol levels will be high.

The effect that doing jobs we hate and being in relationships that we do not want to be in should not be trivialized. The negative effects on our health are profound. Also, the behaviors that are a side effect of not enjoying your occupation are often negative as well such as eating junk food and getting overweight or abusing alcohol and drugs. Becoming a stimulus freak in the gym to make up for not getting any positive stimuli through work is another common action step that should be avoided.

I have never been happier than I am right now. I love my work, I love my girlfriend, and I am getting in great workouts every week. I get to spend most of my days working at home on the couch (like right now) and enjoy the weather with my dogs when I take breaks through out the day. I wake up when I feel like it on most days and get tons of positive feedback from people every week. I get to travel around this great country and get paid well to work with positive people at my seminars. Just this past weekend, Steve Cotter and I showed legendary bench presser Scott Mendelson some kettlebell stuff and had a chance to watch him bench press 1000lbs for reps! Then we went and hung out with Chris Pontius. The night before, comedian and host of fear factor Joe Rogan invited me and my girlfriend to his comedy act in Hollywood. We had a chance to hang out with him after the show as Joe is a big fan of kettlebells and a great guy. These fun experiences never would have been possible if I never left my lame ass job in 2002. In addition to having a blast with my line of work, I make a great income and thus have financial security and can also support organizations that are making the world a better place. I also have plenty of time to do volunteer work and enjoy giving lectures at LA high school. One of the best things about doing your own thing is the fact that I do not have to report to anyone. I am my own boss and I hold myself accountable. I say all of this to provoke thought and give you an impetus to examine your life closely and ask yourself if you like what you see.

Back in early 2002, I was making good money. However, I was doing a job that I hated and working for a guy that had the ethics of a street peddler in India (Yes I have been there). I had to set an alarm clock and drag myself out of bed every morning for work. I dreaded going to work and had no energy when I got there. I would come home wiped out every night. Not because I was working so hard, but because the job was not fulfilling at all. Having been around the world, it seems trivial to complain about having a good paying job. I realize that there are people that are starving all over the world and that I was fortunate to even have a job. Let alone a good paying one. However, that is no excuse to lead an unfulfilling life. Just because there are people that would love a job that I hate does not mean that I should do it. In fact it is more reason to create an opportunity to do what you love. Yes, there is risk involved and only you can decide it if it worth it. Many of your have families and other responsibilities. I respect that completely. However, don't you think you would be a better person to be around if you were doing a line of work that you really enjoy? Also, there is not necessarily correlation between loving what you do and not making good money. I make a lot more now than I ever did working for others. When you take into the equation the that I work 3-4 hours on most days, I make even more.

As I stated in my last newsletter, I put it all on the line to have what I have now and would gladly do it again. The person you become in the process is worth the risk. Also you only fail if you give up. One thing that is for damn sure is that life is too short to be miserable. If you have an opportunity to be happy and excited about your life, you owe it to yourself to take it. By the way, fake excitement and enthusiasm is not the same as the real thing. Either you like what you do or you do not. You should not have to think about it. Forget about watching four hours of TV every night and living vicariously through others. Live through yourself. Just remember that nothing is more expensive than regret. Nothing! Well time to walk the dogs. See you next time ;-)

Are You Living On Auto-pilot?

By Mike Mahler

"Most people are running on automatic. They have rules, set procedures, or automatic responses for what to think, what to feel, and what to do in various situations-rules, procedures, and responses they learned when they were too young to know any better."--Bill Harris

Do you ever wonder how much of your life is lived consciously? How often are you engaged actively in what you are doing day to day and how much is simply you on auto-pilot. Many of us live our lives like experienced car drivers. When you first learn how to drive a car, you are very conscious of what you are doing (at least I hope so). You consciously hit the breaks when it is time to stop. Hit the acceleration when it is time to go and check the rear view mirror consciously before changing lanes. Once you get comfortable driving, you no longer really think about it. You just get in the car and go. Once something becomes comfortable, we no longer have to think. This is fine for mundane activities. However, what happens when your entire life is in process without thinking?

The brutal reality is that most people are simply going through the motions in life. Get up at 7am, get a cup of coffee, watch the morning new, and then get in the car for a one hour commute to work. Once you get to work, you go through the motions for eight hours. Then it is time for another one hour commute back home where you have a microwave meal for dinner, watch four hours of moronic TV, have another terrible night of sleep and start the entire process all over again. Each day that you get closer to Friday, you start becoming more conscious about your life. You live for the weekends and have to get as much life as possible in on Friday and Saturday. Sunday is a wash because the next day you have to go back to work. Where did you learn to accept such a life? From your parents, friends, TV, movies, who knows? It does not really matter where you learned it. What matters is being aware of it and changing it. Unless you are satisfied with your life. In that case, kick back and enjoy the unconscious ride.

When I first started working for myself it was very hard to get over the traditional working work. Work Monday through Friday and then take the weekends off. After a while I realized that when you work for yourself at home you can break all of the rules. You can go out on Monday night and have a blast and then work on the weekends when everyone else is out. You can take spontaneous days off or go through months without taking any days off. Regardless, it was hard to get over what I have been taught my entire life. Monday through Friday is for work and the weekends are for fun. To this day Carol and I often go out on the weekends for fun even though both of us are self employed and can work when we want to and have fun when we want to. Conditioned living is no doubt hard to break.

Brutal self analysis is a difficult thing. Change is difficult because we fight the process. We may want to change, but the person you know is more comfortable than the unknown person you have the capacity to become. Yet, without careful examination of who you are, you will never go from living a barely engaged life to an actively engaged life. It is far too easy to let others think for you and be a pinball in the game of life. Just let others push you all over the table. Hopefully they know what is best for you and you will do okay. Not the way to live and certainly not the way to live an exciting vibrant life. Most people have no idea who they are and you certainly do not want them in charge of your life.

You must learn to think for yourself. Stop reacting on auto pilot and get engaged in the moment. Figure out why you do what you do and if it is ineffective, have the courage to change it. You can change at any moment. How you live your life is up to you. How you react to what happens in your life is up to you. You do not have to do what you have learned from TV, movies, magazines, friends, and family. You can break the cycle.

Where do you start? First you need to learn more about yourself. One effective way is to keep a daily journal. Just as a training journal is effective for tracking workout progress and determining what programs work best, a life journal is an effective way to determine who you are. Be brutally honest as no one is going to read it but you. Write down what ever comes to mind no matter how crazy it sounds. Write about how you reacted to various situations through out the day. After a month or so you will start seeing some patterns and what you learn about yourself may be frightening. Work through it as the sooner you work on this process the better. Take a look at your journal after thirty days. read through each entry and you will be amazed how much you learn about yourself and the way you think.

Life is not meant to be lived passively. When you are always comfortable, you are not growing, and when you are not growing you are not living. Break out of the comfort zone and stay out of it.

Are You Waiting For Permission?

And one thing I have discovered is when everyone says you’re out of your mind, you just might be on to something.
– Jeff Arch, director Sleepless in Seattle

Nope, your eyes aren't deceiving you: I am in fact quoting the director of Sleepless in Seattle, arguably one of the greatest estrogen-inducing movies of all time and second only to Dirty Dancing. (In fact, Dirty Dancing so increased Patrick Swayze’s estrogen levels he had to make Roadhouse and Point Break to get his testosterone back online. My guess is Swayze still suffers the aftereffects of appearing in Dirty Dancing and goes into estrogen-induced depression every time he hears its theme song, I’ve Had The Time Of My Life, but...I digress. Let's get into this week’s topic.)

In Malcolm Gladwell’s excellent book, The Tipping Point, he examines how people wait for permission before taking action. Now, what Gladwell means isn't explicit permission, such as a project green light from your superior at work, but the implicit permissions we're exposed to each day. For example, you're a pedestrian at a traffic light and the person next to you decides to cross the street before the signal turns green. Without thinking about it, you follow the person across the street. After all, if someone else does it, it's all right. Further, if you do get in trouble at least you won't be alone. In a previous business venture, I used to put up fliers with “pull tabs"; pull-tabs are little strips of paper containing contact info that can be pulled off the flier. I discovered the response rate was much higher when I displayed fliers with a few tabs already pulled off than with fliers with all tabs intact. Why? Because people wait for permission from others. In most areas in life, no one wants to be first.

From an early age, most of us are conditioned to ask permission before doing anything. This behavior is continually reinforced over the years and most people spend even their adult lives either consciously (but mostly unconsciously) awaiting permission from others. Hell, I know men who refer to their wives as "She Who Must Be Obeyed". These men want someone to pick up where their mothers left off in giving them permission to live their lives. Somehow, many people take comfort in this--as long as someone else thinks it's okay, it must be fine. There's a sense of safety people find in letting others think for them: in relinquishing responsibility for your life you're no longer responsible for success or failure. Well, it looks lame on paper and it's worse in real life--such behavior is acceptable for children but absolutely unacceptable for adults.

When I was a kid I thought adults had it together and took charge of their own lives. As I've gotten older, it's become clear that most adults are over-sized children still seeking approval and permission and waiting for others to tell them what to do, not to mention relinquishing responsibility whenever possible. I read about children far more mature than typical adults and one striking example is Maia, the daughter of one of my online clients. Maia read out about a non-profit organization, Elephant Sanctuary on my site. Well, Maia loves all animals, especially elephants, and was inspired by this organization to raise money for their elephants. For her birthday, in lieu of buying gifts, she asked all her friends to make donations to Elephant Sanctuary and raised $500.00. Maia's only ten years old! I, for one, am impressed.

With so much to be gained from free thinking and risk-taking, why are so many adults still permission addicts? The permission payoff is feeling safe and comfortable: you're part of the herd and have support within the collective. If you take the independent path you'll likely have shots fired at you at some point and you'll stand alone in taking the flak. Still, the downside of permission addiction is living a life of quiet desperation. There's no excitement in waiting for others' permission. There's no excitement in following others' example instead of carving your own path--or at least putting your own twist on things.

I think most permission addicts are aware of this and look for tiny outlets of independence and rebellion whenever possible. For example, when I worked in the business development world and traveled with co-workers, I noticed the married men were always desperate to go to strip clubs. The second the business meetings were over, the new mission was finding a strip club.

Now I'm not talking about casual desire as in, “Hey, let's go kill some time and hit a strip club,”

No, I'm talking about compulsion: “We've got to get to a strip club because without my strip-fix this entire trip is a failure! We've got to go now! Where is it, where is it--we've got to find it--arghhhhhhh!”

I don't think visiting strip clubs is any big deal but these guys weren't going to clubs to simply check out the girls, they were craving that fleeting experience of independence. They were doing something for which they hadn't gotten permission and it excited them. If they'd had their wives' permission--or better yet, their encouragement--they'd unlikely have any desire to go to strip bars, since the fun would be gone.

What separates the successful from the unsuccessful is this: successful people neither wait for permission nor for others to carve a path to follow. Successful people aren't afraid of looking crazy, since who cares what permission-addicts think anyway? Innovative people come up with ideas, think them through, then follow up with strong action. Waiting around for permission is like waiting around for inspiration...what if no one ever shows up? Why don’t you be the first to give it a shot?