Memory illusions and why most do not learn from their mistakes

The elaborate tapestry of our experience is not stored in memory—at least not in its entirety. Rather, it is compressed for storage by first being reduced to a few critical threads, such as a summary phrase (“Dinner was disappointing”). Later, when we want to remember our experience, our brains quickly reweave the tapestry by fabricating--not by actually retrieving--the bulk of the information that we experience as memory. This fabrication happens so quickly and effortlessly that we have the illusion that the entire thing was in our heads the entire time. — Daniel Gilbert

One of the main reasons people don't learn from their experiences is because their memories of what happened are inaccurate. The memory of what actually occurred can be so distant from truth that the memory is worthless as a learning tool thus the same mistakes are repeated over and over. So much for experience and wisdom going hand and hand!

I experienced this firsthand when reviewing the film footage for The Boys Are Back In Town kettlebell workshop last year. As most of you know, my brother filmed the workshop and we turned it into a DVD set. Some of the footage surprised me, for example, the final panel discussion was much different than I remembered: My memory was that when asked a question I'd get to the point quickly, but in reality I went on big tangents, taking forever to get to the point! Needless to say, that footage didn't make the cut. This experience was extremely helpful and every workshop since I've applied the "less is more" concept. At least that's what I think I'm doing...according to my fabricated memories!

The concept of subjectively fabricating our memories brings to mind an episode from a popular 80's sitcom. The television family are victims of a robbery and a visiting police officer interviews each family member to report what happened. The problem is each family member has a vastly different memory of what took place. Each family member recalls their own brave actions throughout the robbery while remembering everyone else as petrified with fear. This is another example of the mind's trickery: putting all our actions into a positive context to support, and even justify, those actions. By the end of the episode, the police officer realizes each family member's testimony is worthless. What really happened is up for grabs, even the people who were present don't know.

Another reason for our faulty memories is a tendency to recall, and interpret, events in order to meet the expectations of others, e.g., we see something and may classify as "terrible" but if popular opinion names it acceptable, we'll file it away in our minds as "acceptable". One of my favorite shows, M.A.S.H., aired an episode regarding just such mental fabrication. On the show, the main character, Hawkeye, fondly recalls his memories of growing up with his cousin. Hawkeye remembers his cousin as mentor and close friend; however, after probing further into his memory with the help of a psychologist, Hawkeye recalls his cousin's attempt to drown him by forcing his head underwater and holding it there. Pulling him out of the water at the last minute, the cousin has the audacity to inform Hawkeye he's just saved his life! Hawkeye’s family thinks the cousin is a great guy and loves him, so rather then telling his father what really happened, Hawkeye accepts a mental fabrication that his cousin saved his life instead of attempting to drown him. Yet the truth was stored deep in his subconscious mind and destined to surface in the future. Sometimes we find truth too difficult to accept because it could shatter our world view. Rather than facing it as is, we process it into something we find more agreeable. Then we'll push the truth into the back of our minds, filed away within stacks of do-not-open boxes.

While the truthful memories are stored away in the subconscious mind and therefore not easily accessible, our refined, easy-to-digest fabrications are kept readily at-hand, ready to feed our self-delusions.

Over many years of providing people with online training services, I've realized the best way to get people on track and keep them there is by insisting they keep training journals. When the client's goals are losing fat or putting on size, nutrition journals are also critical. A recent study of 685 people showed that subjects who kept accurate diet journals lost twice as much weight than those who didn't.

What is so magical about writing things down? Assuming you're honest and keeping a detailed journal, your journal keeps those truths in front of you. This means you record your food intake immediately to ensure accuracy, i.e., after eating breakfast you write down every single thing you ate. Cream and sugar in your coffee? If yes, you'll record it promptly and later do the calorie total and a macro nutrient breakdown for each meal.

f you "cheat"--maybe you have a Snickers while driving to work--you write it down. After a week of keeping a detailed diet journal the truth is in front of you. You'll understand why you're not losing weight and can make the necessary modifications to get on track. Relying on memory is a delusional no-brainer, people tend to recall only their healthy food choices any given day. My online clients are shocked when they review their daily food logs and tally calorie numbers. I've had people estimate their daily caloric intake at 2000 calories only to discover they are, in fact, consuming 3500 calories...or more. I've had clients describe their sugar consumption as "insignificant" when in truth it was "colossal".

Remember, for your journal to be accurate (and therefore, useful) you must record your food intake as soon as it goes down. Don't make the common mistake of waiting for the end of the day, then relying upon a faulty memory to summarize the day's meals--your journal is sure to be inaccurate. Yes, this means you must carry a pen and notebook (or other recording device) at all times. A nuisance, you say? Sure it is. You can always opt, as most people do, to remain overweight. You have your choice of burdens: either carrying a pen and notebook along everywhere and recording your meals or continuing humping around fifty extra pounds of fat. You have free will to decide which is the bigger nuisance. Hopefully, your decision won't be colored by fabricated, faulty memories, justifications, or outright lies.

Dietary indiscretions aside, another subject regarding our flawed memories to which most of us can relate is credit card statements. We receive our monthly credit card statement and are shocked by the balance. We think there must be a mistake, scrutinizing each expenditure, knowing that certainly we couldn't possibly have spent so much money. After adding everything up, we discover the statement is correct, and worse, just because we don't remember spending the money, doesn't mean we didn’t. Overspending with a credit card is tantamount to overeating. Most people don't bother keeping track of either, thus finding themselves fat and broke. Unpleasant, perhaps, but an honest assessment.

Another arena requiring detailed record keeping is running your own (successful) business. Imagine relying on memory to recall the money made and spent each month! This is an effective way to go out of business with the quickness. Ask me how I know. This is how I ran my previous business many years ago. I was so busy trying to drum up business each day that I didn't bother keeping track of how much actual income I was generating. Since I was always so busy, always working hard, I deluded myself into believing I was making money. Well, why wouldn't I be making money? I was working my ass off and we all know hard work goes hand-in-hand with money-making, right? When, finally, I calculated my income against my expenditures, the truth right there: I was not only earning nothing, I was going further into debt each month keeping a defective business afloat.

Fortunately, I learned a tough lesson from an otherwise meaningless business venture. Meaningless because it didn't represent me, nor what I wanted to do with my life. My current work, on the other hand, is meaningful and one factor that allowed me to build my this successful business is accurate accounting. I can tell you exactly, right now, my income--down to the cents--and no, this isn't in my head, but a detailed business journal.

When you know your exact number, there is a natural human drive to improve it. The context doesn't matter: whether you're trying to lose fat, gain muscular size and strength, or make more money, you need to know your number. When you know it, you'll work hard and amass creative energy to improve it. When you remain ignorant of your number, you're inclined to rely on fabricated memories, or worse, lies.

Our memories are insufficient, and potentially only as real as the movies which entertain us. Making an honest, accurate assessment of yourself may seem depressing, but truth, in all its forms, is nothing less than beautiful. What's depressing is lying to yourself and choosing to remain in the matrix of your mind.

We are the entertainment-addict Generation

“Are you not entertained?” ~ from the movie Gladiator

We're an entertainment-addicted society. We need to be entertained at every waking moment and who knows, maybe even our dreams are next. Four hours of TV per night is no longer enough: we need to be able to watch TV on our cell phones, have TV monitors in elevators to be entertained on the fifteen-second ride to our floor, and even in cabs--heaven forbid we look out the window and observe the world as we cross town. We even view thought-provoking video commercials while standing in line at the grocery store--the possibility of boredom while waiting to buy things is unacceptable!

Restaurants now have TV’s positioned around the dining rooms so every guest can enjoy the pleasure of moronic television shows and avoid talking to the people in front of them. Thanks to cell phones, we enjoy eavesdropping on intellectually stimulating conversations of strangers around us as they get input from friends and family on important decisions such as whether they ought to get Cocoa Puffs or Fruit Loops at the grocery store. Forget using cell phones for emergencies, use them all day long and exploit as many meaningless conversations as your plan allows!

It's a good thing we have computers and the Internet at work: faking working has gotten so much easier this way. You no longer have to be bored at work, i.e., actually doing your job, now you can spend the workday day on idiotic message boards talking to people that you'll never meet in real life. When that gets boring, you can spend the rest of the day watching home video clips on YouTube. Once another "productive" day at work closes, it's time to go home and spend the evening entertaining yourself further with such stimulating TV shows as The Moment of Truth and The Flavor Of Love.

No need to think about what you'd actually want to do with your life nor what line of work you'd enjoy. Work isn't supposed to be fun and a job is supposed to be, well, a job! That's the bill of goods you've bought--hook and sinker--and why shouldn't you follow the masses? Just keep distracting yourself with entertainment outlets...and when you're on your deathbed you won't have the regret of inadequate entertainment during your fulfilling lifetime.

It seems many movie and TV production companies are all-to-aware aware of our addiction to entertainment and her fat cousin, spectacle. Thus they no longer bore us with neither complex plots nor dialogue in movies and shows. Why bother with character or story development when we can watch things blowing up and otherwise getting tossed around for ninety minutes? Ah yes, it's fun being part of the MTV generation! Forget about movies which might inspire people to live more fully. Nah! Living vicariously is the in-thing...and the masses are skilled at it. In fact, if the sport of living vicariously-though-entertainment ever becomes an Olympic event, we'll win, hands down!

You'd think that with our addiction to entertainment and our access to information we'd no longer accept boring jobs, only doing what genuinely interests. Yet that's not the case. Many people accept a bill of goods that jobs are boring you'll have to put up with forty-plus hours of boredom per week, then get in as much entertainment as possible during off-hours and weekends to make up for it. Hell, if you can get in as much entertainment as possible when you're at work, via the Internet, who says you can't have it all?

Unfortunately, our entertainment-addiction hasn't carried over to the places where it really matters. It's used instead as a coping mechanism to accept our lives as they are without bothering to change. After all, why bother taking risks and doing the hard work that it takes to make the changes necessary to living a fulfilling life? Far easier is vicarious living though others, via entertainment sources. But entertainment rarely inspires us to make our own lives better, merely substituting for deeper experiences of life. When we disassociate the entertainment from our experience of living, we don't see the obvious connection of how one, when used properly, can improve the other.

In addition to being an entertainment-addicted society, we're also a society which no longer understands the concept of delayed gratification. After all, not having what we want--right now--is boring! Working hard and sacrificing are unacceptable options; we want things now and if we can't afford those things, there are friendly--and generous--companies willing to lend us the money it takes to make all our material dreams come true.

These lenders, of course, have our best interests in mind, only charging a reasonable 20% plus APR to borrow money, so we can buy the mountains of things that we need to fill up our garages. Want a big screen TV but can't afford it? No problem! Just sign up for the monthly installment plan and spend the rest of your life paying it off. Who cares if the $4000 TV ultimately costs you $20,000 in interest fees, when--and if--you ever pay it off? You must live fully in the moment and refuse to sacrifice the now! After all, that's the secret to enjoying life, right? If you cannot afford something, get it anyway and worry not about the consequences--maybe you'll get lucky and die, sparing yourself the worry about paying back the money.

A result of our entertainment addiction and hatred of delayed gratification is that saving money is now an outdated concept. Money is for spending, in order to be entertained now. Putting away money is boring and doesn't at all support our present entertainment. As for the future, I'm sure things will just work out fine--right? I hope so.

It's no wonder that moronic sayings, such as fake it until you make it, are so popular today. Our society has become very good at faking it: we fake liking jobs we hate; we fake enjoying lives that we detest; we fake being happy when we're miserable inside. We fake being who we aren't and yes, we even fake financial wealth when we're living month to month. Well, you can't fake success or happiness, no matter how hard you try, so don't bother. Further, if you work hard, and pay the price of success, you'll never have to "fake it". If you do some self-reflection, and determine what makes you happy, you don't have to fake it.

I don't think there's anything wrong with watching TV or a good movie. In fact, while 99% of TV is garbage, the few quality shows are better than all the campy shows that used to be on many years ago. The Shield, 24, The Tudors and Sleeper Cell are all well-made shows, with good acting and engaging plots. Shows like these, in addition to being engaging, can actually provoke independent thought. Addiction to entertainment, and using it as a substitute for living a genuine life, is a slippery slope for some--and an avalanche for most. People are better than that and should expect more of themselves.

So where do we go from here? One, stop playing the distraction game. Stop distracting yourself from living your life fully and try spending an hour alone with your thoughts each day. This means no music, TV, reading, no conversations--nothing for that hour. Don’t worry, you can go back to your four hours of TV after the hour is up! You may find this painfully boring, which says a lot about your lack of imagination. The more dialogues you have with yourself, the better you'll know yourself, giving you the impetus to make some changes in your life. A more aggressive approach is to unplug the TV for an entire week, turn off the cell phone except for emergencies, and check email just once per day. You'll learn a lot about yourself in a week of unplugging...and you may not like what you find. Brutal reality may be unpleasant but clarity is necessary for growth. Otherwise, keep distracting yourself as the years go by and changes occur, though, most likely, they won't be the changes you want

Are You Worthy Of Advice?

By Mike Mahler

Most of life is on-the-job training. Some of the most important things can only be learned in the process of doing them. You do something and you get feedback--about what works and what doesn’t. If you don’t do anything for fear of doing it wrong, poorly, or badly, you never get any feedback, and therefore you never get to improve. — Jack Canfield

An interesting thing about good advice is that it' doesn't usually benefit the recipient unless he has enough life experience to comprehend the value. For instance, until I'd made every marketing mistake in the book, I didn't grasp the importance of researching effective marketing strategies and seeking advice from excellent marketers. Part of learning what works is learning what doesn't work and when I bitterly understood the results of ineffective marketing strategy, I became an empty glass, thirsty to fill myself with productive marketing skills.

When you don't understand the value of the advice given, it doesn't matter how great it is, you simply aren't ready for the message. You've got to earn the ability to assimilate advice in order to benefit from it. The most impeccable system for mastering calculus is meaningless if you haven't yet taken algebra and geometry. Calculus is way too advanced for you; you're not ready. Once you start the calculus course and begin struggling to achieve, you'll be receptive to advice.

Generally, when things are going well (or at least we think they're going well) we're less open to advice. Try giving advice to someone who's just begun strength training and you'll know what I mean--remember when you first started training? In the first months trainees can make terrific progress on just about any program, so at this stage they typically aren't open to any advice, thinking they know what they're doing and that infinite progress is theirs. However, once their progress slogs down to nothing or, worse, they're injured, trainees may finally realize they don't have all the answers after all. Not only are they now open to advice, they'll actively seek it to get back on track...that, or they give up.

Of course, seeking advice doesn't mean you're ready to receive advice. Often, advice-seekers attempt to postpone the inevitable while they safely remain in research mode. They tell themselves when they've done enough research and heard enough advice, they'll take some kind of action. The problem is no amount of advice or research is ever enough. No matter the exceptional advice they're given, they imagine they need still more. No matter how much research they do, they suffer a need to do still more. Somehow these people think if they can just secure enough advice, and carry out enough research, they're safe from making mistakes. The fear of making mistakes is the fundamental reason so many people neither grow nor find their success; their anxieties about hard work and failure delay necessary action. The results? Their fears come to fruition.

Making mistakes--and lots of them--is simply part of the learning process. Everybody remembers NBA great Michael Jordan as an incredible player yet his only record is for the most missed. shots. ever. Michael risked more shots than any other player, thus missing more shots than anyone. However, he scored lots of shots, which is what people remember. He wasn't afraid to miss, realizing the more chances taken, the more chances for success; he'd never have made all those shots without the record misses. For analogy, who would you rather be: a salesperson who makes a single call with a single success, or a salesperson making one thousand calls resulting in one hundred sales? The former has a 100% closing rate, while the latter has only 10%, but we must look at results, not percentages. The second salesman closed one hundred deals while the first guy only closed one! I guarantee the second sales guy learned more on his way up, thereby being more open and more able to improve and benefit from meaningful advice. The first salesman, with his 100% closing rate, is unlikely to be open to advice. Again, experience is the magic ingredient so crucial to valuing timely advice.

I used to believe people who paid for advice valued it most, but since, I've witnessed thousands of people getting great results simply by reading my free articles while clients paying me for online consultations take neither me nor themselves seriously, ending up dissatisfied with their lack of (desirable) results. Some people think spending money for advice is a sure thing, but it means nothing if you're not following through, i.e., if you don't value the money you've spent on advice, neither will you value the advice given. Or perhaps you're one of those reaping the benefits of collecting the great free advice available out there, all because of your receptivity and right mindset.

The bottom line: there's a right time and place to benefit from advice. If you're not in that time and place, no benefit. You must earn the right to a receptive mind.

So, before asking anyone for advice, make sure you're worthy to receive it.

Live Life Aggressively!

Mike Mahler

No Need To Be Jealous Of Others

By Mike Mahler

“If you are discontented but unwilling to give up what is holding you back, you will have to admit that it is you who has chosen to reject success and to abandon the dream of being all of the best you can be. If this is so, you can stop getting jealous whenever you see other people around you succeeding in the life you thought you wanted for yourself.”
– Chin-Ning Chu, from her book Do Less, Achieve More

Over the years, I've realized you can't want success for others more than they want it for themselves. You can give someone the tools they need for success but if they don't use those tools and follow through, success will always evade them. You can send them opportunity after opportunity and introduce them to all the right people, yet success will always evade them. Why are some people not prepared to lay the groundwork for success? Who knows? As motivational speaker Jim Rohn says, “It's one of the mysteries of the universe.”

The main reasons people fail to succeed? Lack of self-responsibility and self-awareness. You have to take charge of your life and take responsibility for your success. It's not anyone else’s job but your own to be successful--as long as you rely on other people and relinquish responsibility, you won't experience success. No matter what others do for you, if you don't take responsibility for yourself, it's all in vain.

I once had an online client who signed up for a three-month program. I put a program together for him and never heard back...until six months later when he emailed me complaining I'd let him fall off-course and that it was my fault he didn't succeed. In his world, it was my fault. After all, he'd done his part in paying for the program, right? Wrong: you can't buy success; success is earned though action. Yes, you can buy knowledge, which is critical to success--but certainly not everything, there are plenty of knowledgeable people out there in all manner of fields who aren't successful, due to lack of right action.

Lets get back to the client: the client didn't follow the program designed for him and never sent me his training journal. I require all my clients to keep a training journal and to send me that journal every Friday for review. This keeps the client and I both engaged and committed; however, I clarify up front that if you neglect to email your journal I won't be emailing you.

I'm not the type of trainer who'll come to your house and wake you up in the morning or call everyday to motivate you--that's not what “Aggressive Strength” is all about. I want to work with people who are ready to make a change and are self-motivated. These people require guidance, direction, and a personalized program to fit their lifestyle. That's the service I provide--not coddling people and treating them like children.

The online client who didn't follow through on his end chose to blame me for his lack of success, even though he chose to neither follow the program designed for him nor to send his journal for feedback. While he was motivated enough to pay for a training program, he wasn't motivated enough to take the real-world action and responsibility necessary for his success. Many people feel that if they're paying someone for a service, that person is now responsible for their success. Well, it doesn't work that way: no one else can do this work for you. You can't drop the “success burden” upon others and expect positive results--such a mentality is for losers! The best others can do for you is act as guides and consultants, supporting your getting on track and staying there. At the end of the day, you have to put in the work.

Next, lets talk about self-awareness: what do you know about yourself--and of what are you capable? What is it about yourself that holds you back? Plenty, probably, if you take an honest appraisal. Yes, you have to take a ruthless look at yourself and address your weak points. Of course, this means actually accepting that you have weak points and then, more importantly, doing something about them. The former is often harder than the latter as it's easy to wear blinders and blame circumstances or the world for your own lack of success--people do it every day.

One common trait holding back unsuccessful people is their jealousy of others' successes. The unsuccessful can't stand to see people do what they themselves didn't have the stones for. Whenever someone acquires success, the jealous people get angry. What they fail to realize is this: successful people are prepared to pay the price of success, thus any jealousy of that success is both petty and counterproductive. Jealousy is a wasted emotion which misplaces your focus. Again, the focus needs to be not on others, but inward--on what you are prepared to do. Your own lack of success isn't anyone else’s fault, and your wasted jealous energy won't change this.

Rather than feeling jealousy around successful people, a better use of vital energy is feeling inspiration--realizing that what others can do, so can you. It boils down to that word no one wants to hear: sacrifice. What are you prepared to sacrifice for success? You can't watch four hours of TV everyday, then waste four more hours surfing the Internet, then complain that you don't have time for creating success. When you take time to assess your situation and your daily habits, what becomes clear is what you're not doing and thus, what needs to be done. The only question left is--what are you prepared to do now?

One thing is certain: days turn into weeks, weeks into months, and months into years. Before you know it, you've repeated the same year over and over again as a decade's passed you by. But you always have this choice: if you're content where you are, stay there and continue with your daily routine--or, choose a new direction for yourself and finish what you once started.

Live Life Aggressively!

Mike Mahler

Stress Kills

By Mike Mahler

"I am an old man and have a great many troubles, but most of them have never happened." - Mark Twain

Stress is by far one of the greatest destroyers of health. Both mental health and physical health. Stress increases cortisol levels. Cortisol is a stress hormone that is necessary for life. Without enough cortisol you will have no motivation and no energy. However, excessive cortisol levels literally eat away at brain tissue and muscle. More and more studies are coming out linking high cortisol levels to alzheimer's disease and dementia. Stress is pretty scary stuff and many people are way too casual about having high stress levels.

The interesting thing about stress is how it manifests and how often it is self induced. Oddly enough the people that you would assume have the least amount of stress often have the highest levels of stress. Through my world travels I have often observed that the less problems someone has the more stress he or she has. As crazy as it may sound, not having any real problems can be stressful! Most people would not admit it, but many people thrive on conflict and problems. Solving problems and resolving conflicts induces growth. No real stress means no growth and that in itself is stressful! In the movie "The Matrix" a computer program talks about how the initial computer generated program for humans was a utopia in which there were no problems. The program was a disaster and humans died left and right. The second program was more like our world wrought with violence and suffering. The program was a success. Thus, the conclusion in the movie is that humans thrive on misery and suffering. Not too far from the truth. Without problems we do not develop fully and waste away. Thus, perhaps the creation of problems is a self preservation mechanism. We need problems to live fully and if we do not have any real problems, we create them.

Much of stress has to do with how one interprets any given situation. A millionaire has problems that non millionaires do not have such as how to hang on to the money, avoid paying excessive taxes, and evade gold diggers and other manipulators. These may seem trivial in comparison to other forms of stress. However, stress is based on how the individual handles it. An impoverished individual living in a hut in Kenya with a big smile on his face everyday may very well have less stress than a workaholic millionaire. To illustrate with another example, a soldier in war may be less stressed out than an impatient lady in a restaurant that is throwing a fit due to her meal being five minutes late. Sounds impossible to believe. Nevertheless, just as beauty is in the eye of the beholder, the interpretation of stress is in the mind of the individual.

One facet of stress that is fascinating is many people create incredible levels of stress over problems that are probably never going to happen. Worrying about what may or may not happen is natural to a degree as the unknowns in life can be stressful. Regardless, obsessing about what could go wrong is a sure-fire way to drive yourself crazy. Accepting the reality that there are things that are out of your control requires a level of faith. In return you get a level of peace of mind that all you can do is place your best effort and let the chips fall where they may. Realizing that life is "controlled chaos" is not easy as taking a truth pill is often not easy to digest.

Next, some people believe that the more problems they have, the more important they are. I have even seen people compete with friends regarding who has more problems. No matter what one person says, someone else will try to top that person. Many people like to wear their problems like a badge of honor. "Look how great I am with all of these problems." On the other hand, people with real problems are often too busy dealing with them or living with them to gloat. The last thing they want to do is show off about their problems. They consider such actions embarrassing.

This does not mean that venting is out of the question or that bitching about problems is unacceptable. No doubt, letting it all out from time to time has a beneficial cleansing effect. However, harboring on the same problem over and over again and not doing anything productive to solve the problems is a waste of time. At some point some meaningful action steps have to occur. Instead of complaining endlessly regarding your problems, take a page from Viktor Frankl and ask yourself if you are worthy of your sufferings. This mental paradigm shift can provide an entirely new perspective that results in a greater mastery of stress.

Finally, perhaps the greatest self induced stress creator is the obsession with the opinions of others. I am always amazed by people that worry about what strangers think of them. They literally live their lives for the approval of others which is no way to live. Sure getting praise from others is nice. However, living an artificial life for the sake of pleasing others is very stressful. Usually the stress does not show as these people are putting on an act in public. However, internally incredible levels of cortisol are being produced. Not living an authentic life creates a great deal of internal stress. You can only hold it back for so long. Eventually the stress reaches a critical mass with disastrous consequences.

Make no mistake about it stress is a killer and learning how to handle stress is one of the most important things you can do. Stop worrying about everything and live more in the moment. If you are full invested in the moment then the future has a way of working out. Next, stop obsessing with the opinions of others. Who cares what other people think of you. Life is stressful enough. Live an authentic life not one in which you constantly seek the approval of others. Next, take some time to breathe. Whenever you get stressed, you naturally hold your breathe. Breathe in deeply and breathe out and take a moment for yourself whenever you need it. Finally, have your Doctor do some Saliva tests to measure your DHEA and Cortisol levels.

Make Mistakes And Persevere To Be Successful

By Mike Mahler

"A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles." – Christopher Reeve

I had a great conversation with my friend David Weck this past weekend on what it takes to be successful. Dave is the creator of the BOSU www.bosu.com which is one of the hottest fitness products around. I literally see the BOSU everywhere and unlike some other lame fitness products, the BOSU is an incredible training tool that I recommend highly. Anyway lets get back to my conversation with Dave. Similar to most successful people, Dave worked his ass off to achieve his immense success. He had tons of roadblocks on the way and there were many moments in which he thought he was done. No one gave him a roadmap to success. He simply had to act, fail a lot, persevere, and eventually achieve immense success.

This is a common path that most successful people have been through. What separates Dave from most people is he was not afraid to make mistakes. He made plenty and still does. However, he also hits home runs from time to time and they more than make up for all of the mistakes. Remember, in professional baseball if you hit the ball three times out of every ten at bats, you are a superstar! This means you are missing the ball 70% of the time! a 30% average is an F in school. Get over the illusion of having A+ results in the real world. If you are closing 90% of the deals you go after then you are either a liar or do not have enough deals. The more at bats you take the more misses you will have. However, do enough at bats and you hit a few balls as well. The key is to keep going for the hits and forget about the misses. Only losers get beaten down by mistakes. Winners take them in stride and are too busy pushing forward to give up.

Now that Dave is highly successful, he gets people coming to him all of the time for his secrets to success. These people are looking for a seamless path to success and hope that Dave has all of the answers. While it is great to get ideas from successful people on how to make it, you are kidding yourself if you think you can avoid suffering and failure on the way to success. If you are not prepared to get your hands dirty and put it all on the line, then do not bother starting. Moreover, do not bother wasting Dave's time or any other successful persons time. You have to get out there and learn how to be successful. You have to read the books, try plans out, fail miserably many times and still have the courage to persevere. You have to be able to persevere through being defeated day after day, month after month, and even year after year. You have to wake up the next day after being kicked around and do it all over again. You have to be able to get your ass kicked, recover and come back for more. Yes it is a fight and you need to be able to go all twelve rounds and then twelve more. Few have what it takes which is great for those of us that do as it means less competition, ha ha.

Most people will not even make it past the first set back. They get rejected once or do not have immediate success and it is all over. Pathetic to say the least. Such people do not deserve success as they do not value their lives. Especially if they are in America which is the equivalent to winning a lottery ticket. Making it here is much less easier than elsewhere. Unfortunately, people that are born in America rarely value the gift. Study successful people and I challenge you to find one person that had an easy road to success. Interesting people are people that persevered through rough times. You cannot have personal growth without tough experiences. No personal growth equals a very boring life and a very boring person.

Why do so many people give up at the first sign of failure? Why do others do whatever is necessary to make it? Who knows. It is one of the great mysteries of the universe. Regardless, I have a theory. People that give up easily are simply people that are nor prepared for success. They are nor prepared to do what needs to be done and suffer accordingly.

Without hard work, set backs, suffering, frustrations, and problems you will never enjoy the successes when you finally make it. You can apply whatever excuse you want. Maybe they had mean parents. Maybe they grew up in the inner city. While all of these are extremely influential factors, eventually you have to take responsibility for your life. You have to face your inner demons, crush them, and make your life what you want it to be. The arduous process is what reveals the inner diamonds. There is a difference between being a millionaire and having a million dollars. People that were given a million dollars did not have to work for it like the people who earned it through hard work, problem solving, and working smart. People that achieve their fitness goals through proper training, restoration, and nutrition are always more empowered than people that get cosmetic surgery.

People that are afraid to get their hands dirty are afraid of change. They really do not want to change or they would be busy working instead of applying delaying tactic methods. Yes eventually all talk has to stop and you have to act. Getting excited about an idea is easy. People do it all of the time. Every January 1, millions of people get excited about working out and getting in great shape. By January 15th, 50% of those people have given up. By March 1 the other 49% have as well. The final 1% get their hands dirty and finish what they start.

The only question left is are you part of the 1% club?

Live Life Aggressively!

Mike Mahler

Hate Your Job? You Are In A Dark Place

By Mike Mahler

"If you don't like your job, your boss, or the associates with whom you spend a third of your daily life, you're in a dark place, a pit. Sometimes the money explains the compromise, the benefits, the hours, and the convenience." - Dave Draper

Those of you that have been reading my newsletter for a while probably know where I am going this week. Thus, I will start by stating that I respect anyone that works for a living. There is pride that should be taken in working and there are so many losers that just want hand outs such as some homeless people and worse trust fund recipients. I have no respect for "vultures" that try to ride off the work of other people. That is down right pathetic. I have done many lame jobs in my life and respect anyone that is willing to pay his or her dues and work several jobs to make ends meet. I know many people that work their tails off to provide for their families and I have the utmost respect for such people. That said, I will begin my weekly rant ;-)

There is no reason why you should not be excited about working. Work should be fun, fulfilling, and enjoyable. You should look forward to working. Just recently I was talking to my friend Chris Pontius who is working on the upcoming movie "Jackass 2." Chris is very enthusiastic about the movie and wakes up every day ecstatic about going to work. When you talk to him on the phone and meet him in person, it is very clear that he loves life and loves his work. He recently told me that everyone should be excited about what they do. I agree with Chris and one of the reasons why we are friends is because we are both enthusiastic about what we do. Enthusiastic people want to be around similar people. No one wants to be around people that think that life sucks and people that complain about their lame problems all day long. Personally I do not tolerate such people and do not let them infiltrate my life.

Now you are probably thinking of course Chris loves his life. He is making a movie and has a great lifestyle. What is not to like? Well, you have to look at the price Chris paid to get to where he is. For a long time he was living in his car and barely had to coins to rub together. He had to use his dirty laundry as a blanket to keep him warm at night. Okay, I am joking about that part. Nevertheless, how long would you last living in your car? Chris persevered. He never gave up and is now enjoying the fruits of his labor and determination. He has a great wife, three dogs, and owns two houses. One in Hollywood and one in Hawaii. Not bad at all!

How many of you have made or would be willing to make sacrifices like Chris? Do not think so? Then do not whine about how others have what you want. If you are not willing to pay the price, you do not deserve the reward. Also, keep in mind that not all "celebrities" are happy people. I have met some celebrities that have plenty of money and hate what they do. They are negative about everything and are real lame people to be around. I have met some strength coaches that fall into the same category. They have the appearance of loving what they do, but behind the scenes, they hate it and have no respect for their customers. They put out crappy products to make a quick buck. This is beyond pathetic to say the least. I will quit being a coach long before I ever let it get to that point. I love working with my online clients and the people who attend my seminars. I go to bed every night feeling great about what I do and waking up excited to begin the day which starts at the early time of 11am for me! I know, I know I am an early riser. While I have not being doing this for decades, I have done it long enough that the novelty has worn off. What is left is genuine enthusiasm for my line of work.

Now you may be thinking I should be happy about what I do. However, what about jobs that are not glamorous at all. Well, the lady who cleans my apartment is very upbeat and positive. Most people would hate what she does for a living, but she takes pride in doing her job very well and has carved out a great living doing it. Hell, she even has a nicer car than I do ;-) It does not matter whether I like what you do or not, what matters is do you like it? If yes, great and if no, do something about it. My friend Dan has been trying to break into Hollywood for years. Even after years of frustration, he is still an upbeat guy and very friendly to everyone. Just recently he started getting some great gigs and is on cloud nine. However, he is still the same cool guy that he was when nothing was going on. He has always put 100% into the process and is finally reaping the rewards. If he did not love what he was doing, he would have given up a long time ago.

Where am I going? The achievement of goals is fleeting even if you do love what you do. It is the process that has to be enjoyable. You need the goal so you know where you are going and the achievement of goals is how you measure growth. However, enjoyment of the process is a critical component. If you do a job in which you make a nice paycheck but the process is miserable, you are really cheating yourself and the effects will be all too apparent with your health. There is certainly a correlation with low levels of Testosterone, Growth Hormone, and DHEA and having a job that you hate regardless of how much money you make. Now I am not saying that having a job that you love guarantees optimal anabolic hormones. However there is no doubt in my mind that it will help a great deal for a lot of people. The main reason being that your stress levels (cortisol) will be much lower. The higher the Cortisol, the lower the DHEA, T, and GH. If you hate what you do, your cortisol levels will be high.

The effect that doing jobs we hate and being in relationships that we do not want to be in should not be trivialized. The negative effects on our health are profound. Also, the behaviors that are a side effect of not enjoying your occupation are often negative as well such as eating junk food and getting overweight or abusing alcohol and drugs. Becoming a stimulus freak in the gym to make up for not getting any positive stimuli through work is another common action step that should be avoided.

I have never been happier than I am right now. I love my work, I love my girlfriend, and I am getting in great workouts every week. I get to spend most of my days working at home on the couch (like right now) and enjoy the weather with my dogs when I take breaks through out the day. I wake up when I feel like it on most days and get tons of positive feedback from people every week. I get to travel around this great country and get paid well to work with positive people at my seminars. Just this past weekend, Steve Cotter and I showed legendary bench presser Scott Mendelson some kettlebell stuff and had a chance to watch him bench press 1000lbs for reps! Then we went and hung out with Chris Pontius. The night before, comedian and host of fear factor Joe Rogan invited me and my girlfriend to his comedy act in Hollywood. We had a chance to hang out with him after the show as Joe is a big fan of kettlebells and a great guy. These fun experiences never would have been possible if I never left my lame ass job in 2002. In addition to having a blast with my line of work, I make a great income and thus have financial security and can also support organizations that are making the world a better place. I also have plenty of time to do volunteer work and enjoy giving lectures at LA high school. One of the best things about doing your own thing is the fact that I do not have to report to anyone. I am my own boss and I hold myself accountable. I say all of this to provoke thought and give you an impetus to examine your life closely and ask yourself if you like what you see.

Back in early 2002, I was making good money. However, I was doing a job that I hated and working for a guy that had the ethics of a street peddler in India (Yes I have been there). I had to set an alarm clock and drag myself out of bed every morning for work. I dreaded going to work and had no energy when I got there. I would come home wiped out every night. Not because I was working so hard, but because the job was not fulfilling at all. Having been around the world, it seems trivial to complain about having a good paying job. I realize that there are people that are starving all over the world and that I was fortunate to even have a job. Let alone a good paying one. However, that is no excuse to lead an unfulfilling life. Just because there are people that would love a job that I hate does not mean that I should do it. In fact it is more reason to create an opportunity to do what you love. Yes, there is risk involved and only you can decide it if it worth it. Many of your have families and other responsibilities. I respect that completely. However, don't you think you would be a better person to be around if you were doing a line of work that you really enjoy? Also, there is not necessarily correlation between loving what you do and not making good money. I make a lot more now than I ever did working for others. When you take into the equation the that I work 3-4 hours on most days, I make even more.

As I stated in my last newsletter, I put it all on the line to have what I have now and would gladly do it again. The person you become in the process is worth the risk. Also you only fail if you give up. One thing that is for damn sure is that life is too short to be miserable. If you have an opportunity to be happy and excited about your life, you owe it to yourself to take it. By the way, fake excitement and enthusiasm is not the same as the real thing. Either you like what you do or you do not. You should not have to think about it. Forget about watching four hours of TV every night and living vicariously through others. Live through yourself. Just remember that nothing is more expensive than regret. Nothing! Well time to walk the dogs. See you next time ;-)

Are You Living On Auto-pilot?

By Mike Mahler

"Most people are running on automatic. They have rules, set procedures, or automatic responses for what to think, what to feel, and what to do in various situations-rules, procedures, and responses they learned when they were too young to know any better."--Bill Harris

Do you ever wonder how much of your life is lived consciously? How often are you engaged actively in what you are doing day to day and how much is simply you on auto-pilot. Many of us live our lives like experienced car drivers. When you first learn how to drive a car, you are very conscious of what you are doing (at least I hope so). You consciously hit the breaks when it is time to stop. Hit the acceleration when it is time to go and check the rear view mirror consciously before changing lanes. Once you get comfortable driving, you no longer really think about it. You just get in the car and go. Once something becomes comfortable, we no longer have to think. This is fine for mundane activities. However, what happens when your entire life is in process without thinking?

The brutal reality is that most people are simply going through the motions in life. Get up at 7am, get a cup of coffee, watch the morning new, and then get in the car for a one hour commute to work. Once you get to work, you go through the motions for eight hours. Then it is time for another one hour commute back home where you have a microwave meal for dinner, watch four hours of moronic TV, have another terrible night of sleep and start the entire process all over again. Each day that you get closer to Friday, you start becoming more conscious about your life. You live for the weekends and have to get as much life as possible in on Friday and Saturday. Sunday is a wash because the next day you have to go back to work. Where did you learn to accept such a life? From your parents, friends, TV, movies, who knows? It does not really matter where you learned it. What matters is being aware of it and changing it. Unless you are satisfied with your life. In that case, kick back and enjoy the unconscious ride.

When I first started working for myself it was very hard to get over the traditional working work. Work Monday through Friday and then take the weekends off. After a while I realized that when you work for yourself at home you can break all of the rules. You can go out on Monday night and have a blast and then work on the weekends when everyone else is out. You can take spontaneous days off or go through months without taking any days off. Regardless, it was hard to get over what I have been taught my entire life. Monday through Friday is for work and the weekends are for fun. To this day Carol and I often go out on the weekends for fun even though both of us are self employed and can work when we want to and have fun when we want to. Conditioned living is no doubt hard to break.

Brutal self analysis is a difficult thing. Change is difficult because we fight the process. We may want to change, but the person you know is more comfortable than the unknown person you have the capacity to become. Yet, without careful examination of who you are, you will never go from living a barely engaged life to an actively engaged life. It is far too easy to let others think for you and be a pinball in the game of life. Just let others push you all over the table. Hopefully they know what is best for you and you will do okay. Not the way to live and certainly not the way to live an exciting vibrant life. Most people have no idea who they are and you certainly do not want them in charge of your life.

You must learn to think for yourself. Stop reacting on auto pilot and get engaged in the moment. Figure out why you do what you do and if it is ineffective, have the courage to change it. You can change at any moment. How you live your life is up to you. How you react to what happens in your life is up to you. You do not have to do what you have learned from TV, movies, magazines, friends, and family. You can break the cycle.

Where do you start? First you need to learn more about yourself. One effective way is to keep a daily journal. Just as a training journal is effective for tracking workout progress and determining what programs work best, a life journal is an effective way to determine who you are. Be brutally honest as no one is going to read it but you. Write down what ever comes to mind no matter how crazy it sounds. Write about how you reacted to various situations through out the day. After a month or so you will start seeing some patterns and what you learn about yourself may be frightening. Work through it as the sooner you work on this process the better. Take a look at your journal after thirty days. read through each entry and you will be amazed how much you learn about yourself and the way you think.

Life is not meant to be lived passively. When you are always comfortable, you are not growing, and when you are not growing you are not living. Break out of the comfort zone and stay out of it.

Are You Waiting For Permission?

And one thing I have discovered is when everyone says you’re out of your mind, you just might be on to something.
– Jeff Arch, director Sleepless in Seattle

Nope, your eyes aren't deceiving you: I am in fact quoting the director of Sleepless in Seattle, arguably one of the greatest estrogen-inducing movies of all time and second only to Dirty Dancing. (In fact, Dirty Dancing so increased Patrick Swayze’s estrogen levels he had to make Roadhouse and Point Break to get his testosterone back online. My guess is Swayze still suffers the aftereffects of appearing in Dirty Dancing and goes into estrogen-induced depression every time he hears its theme song, I’ve Had The Time Of My Life, but...I digress. Let's get into this week’s topic.)

In Malcolm Gladwell’s excellent book, The Tipping Point, he examines how people wait for permission before taking action. Now, what Gladwell means isn't explicit permission, such as a project green light from your superior at work, but the implicit permissions we're exposed to each day. For example, you're a pedestrian at a traffic light and the person next to you decides to cross the street before the signal turns green. Without thinking about it, you follow the person across the street. After all, if someone else does it, it's all right. Further, if you do get in trouble at least you won't be alone. In a previous business venture, I used to put up fliers with “pull tabs"; pull-tabs are little strips of paper containing contact info that can be pulled off the flier. I discovered the response rate was much higher when I displayed fliers with a few tabs already pulled off than with fliers with all tabs intact. Why? Because people wait for permission from others. In most areas in life, no one wants to be first.

From an early age, most of us are conditioned to ask permission before doing anything. This behavior is continually reinforced over the years and most people spend even their adult lives either consciously (but mostly unconsciously) awaiting permission from others. Hell, I know men who refer to their wives as "She Who Must Be Obeyed". These men want someone to pick up where their mothers left off in giving them permission to live their lives. Somehow, many people take comfort in this--as long as someone else thinks it's okay, it must be fine. There's a sense of safety people find in letting others think for them: in relinquishing responsibility for your life you're no longer responsible for success or failure. Well, it looks lame on paper and it's worse in real life--such behavior is acceptable for children but absolutely unacceptable for adults.

When I was a kid I thought adults had it together and took charge of their own lives. As I've gotten older, it's become clear that most adults are over-sized children still seeking approval and permission and waiting for others to tell them what to do, not to mention relinquishing responsibility whenever possible. I read about children far more mature than typical adults and one striking example is Maia, the daughter of one of my online clients. Maia read out about a non-profit organization, Elephant Sanctuary on my site. Well, Maia loves all animals, especially elephants, and was inspired by this organization to raise money for their elephants. For her birthday, in lieu of buying gifts, she asked all her friends to make donations to Elephant Sanctuary and raised $500.00. Maia's only ten years old! I, for one, am impressed.

With so much to be gained from free thinking and risk-taking, why are so many adults still permission addicts? The permission payoff is feeling safe and comfortable: you're part of the herd and have support within the collective. If you take the independent path you'll likely have shots fired at you at some point and you'll stand alone in taking the flak. Still, the downside of permission addiction is living a life of quiet desperation. There's no excitement in waiting for others' permission. There's no excitement in following others' example instead of carving your own path--or at least putting your own twist on things.

I think most permission addicts are aware of this and look for tiny outlets of independence and rebellion whenever possible. For example, when I worked in the business development world and traveled with co-workers, I noticed the married men were always desperate to go to strip clubs. The second the business meetings were over, the new mission was finding a strip club.

Now I'm not talking about casual desire as in, “Hey, let's go kill some time and hit a strip club,”

No, I'm talking about compulsion: “We've got to get to a strip club because without my strip-fix this entire trip is a failure! We've got to go now! Where is it, where is it--we've got to find it--arghhhhhhh!”

I don't think visiting strip clubs is any big deal but these guys weren't going to clubs to simply check out the girls, they were craving that fleeting experience of independence. They were doing something for which they hadn't gotten permission and it excited them. If they'd had their wives' permission--or better yet, their encouragement--they'd unlikely have any desire to go to strip bars, since the fun would be gone.

What separates the successful from the unsuccessful is this: successful people neither wait for permission nor for others to carve a path to follow. Successful people aren't afraid of looking crazy, since who cares what permission-addicts think anyway? Innovative people come up with ideas, think them through, then follow up with strong action. Waiting around for permission is like waiting around for inspiration...what if no one ever shows up? Why don’t you be the first to give it a shot?

The Timing Is Never Perfect

For all of the most important things, the timing always sucks. Waiting for a good time to quit your job? The stars will never align and the traffic lights of life will never all be green at the same time. -- Timothy Ferris, The 4-Hour Workweek

I agree with Timothy Ferris that perfect timing to take action doesn't exist. There's always an excuse to put off change and the timing excuse is one of the most effective forms of active procrastination. When other excuses fall short, you can always say the timing isn't right. Ready to quit your lame job? You hate it, but the timing's never right, so you make the best of your two-hour commute by listening to Tony Robbins’ Personal Power, and when you complete his program maybe you'll be pumped up enough too quit...at least you hope so. Ready to lose some fat and get strong and healthy? Nah, not yet, though you're barely able to climb stairs, you can always take the elevator, so it's not a priority. Maybe you'll look into getting fit after your first heart attack. Indeed, the timing excuse covers everything and is the most popular resistance tool to change.

As much as the timing excuse is abused, it's overly simplistic to think now is always the time to act, in spite of what's going on in your life--it's a little more complicated than that. Besides, if you're not in the mindset to take action and create major change you won't finish whatever you start; enthusiasm wanes and you can fall right back to where you were. So, yes, there is favorable timing to create change and reduce chance of failure.

How do you know when it's time to create a major change? When the thought of things staying the same makes you sick to your stomach. After you make a change and the inevitable roadblocks come your way, your natural desire is be to go back to the way things were. As humans, we seek the path of least resistance and cling to the familiar--no matter how lame it might be--but if the thought of going back sickens you, you'll stay the course. In my previous newsletters, I've described how I felt when I ran into obstacles during the first year of my training business. While things were very tough, the notion of going back to the dot com world as a business development manager was worse and gave me the impetus to continue. Contemplating working for someone else doing unrewarding work nauseated me. This was a clear sign indicating I was on the right track and as a result I was prepared to do the necessary work to make my business successful.

The bottom line? You have to be fed up with the way things are. Not slightly dissatisfied, or irritated, but completely fed up! Many people avoid getting to this point by playing the distraction game: instead of taking the time to think about what you really want, have a few drinks or watch several hours of TV; put in longer hours at work and spend the weekends digging up the yard and doing home maintenance. Basically, become too busy to notice your dissatisfaction. The distraction game is insidious and can be played all the way to your deathbed. It might be better to put your life on pause and figure out which direction you want to go.

In addition to the physiological signs that you need to make change, the mental side of the equation needs to be addressed. Sometimes you need to know you've covered every angle before you're mentally ready to move forward, otherwise you'll always look back and wonder if you really gave it your all. In a previous business, I tried everything to make my business work: I handed out thousands of business cards and put up fliers and signs on telephone polls all over town. I used surveys, newspaper ads, tons of other things, and finally, mail-order marketing. I was fed up with this business before I tried mail-order marketing and, in fact, I was ready to quit. Then, a good friend of mine, also in the business, told me of a new mail-order marketing method he was working on. As much as I wanted out of the business, I still had to try his strategy, more to clear my conscience than anything else. Of course it didn't work out, which ended up being a good thing, but I knew with complete certainty I'd given everything I had and it wasn't going to work. While some might find such cognizance depressing, to me it was liberating: I knew once and for all this business wasn't for me. This critical realization needs to come forth before productive change takes place. If I'd quit before perceiving this, I'd probably still be wondering if I couldn't have done a something different to make it work. This kind of reminiscing wastes time, preventing you from taking advantage of the present. Sometimes you need to get something completely out of your system before moving on with a clear conscience.

Another mental obstacle to overcome is thinking you've failed when you quit something. From early on we're instructed not to be quitters. While this, in spirit, is commendable, the reality is that many things are worth quitting. If you start a new job and hate it after a month, why stick around for a year? If a new relationship bogs down within a few months, will it improve in a year? If your training program requires a lot of time and work yet you only get weaker, do you really think you'll see a turnaround by sticking it out? Being quit-adverse also relinquishes responsibility to others. For example, instead of quitting the job you hate, wait to be fired so you can finally pursue your desired career. Or, instead of breaking up your habitual relationship, wait for your partner to do it, even though you wanted to move out--and on--a long time ago. Quitting isn't always bad, and may be exactly what's needed in order to move forward, but you'll need to get over any guilt feelings that come with it.

When they can no longer recycle excuses regarding perfect timing, people will create bad timing. Blowing money unnecessarily works well: buy a new car, maybe a flat-screen TV, then take an expensive vacation and you'll no longer have any financial reserve, which means fewer options. Make no mistake: money provides options and the ability to take greater financial risk. But now you can't quit your wretched job since you need the money! The bottom line? Our behavior determines our outcome: if you're not prepared to sacrifice, you're not prepared to make major changes. You're simply not ready and perhaps you'll never be ready. Change doesn't take place just when you think it's a nice idea--you have to make it happen, or it happens to you.

There's no "perfect" time to do any important thing in life, but there are indicators that you're ready for change and ready to advance on your goals with a clear conscience. Don't distract yourself from life or allow yourself to get fed up with external circumstances in order to make the changes you can stick with. Get over the idea that being a quitter is synonymous with being a loser and you'll save yourself time and energy. Finally, before attempting to make any major change, ask yourself--what's the worst that can happen? If you can deal with the answer, then what's holding you back?

Make Mistakes And Persevere To Be Successful

By Mike Mahler

"A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles." – Christopher Reeve

I had a great conversation with my friend David Weck this past weekend on what it takes to be successful. Dave is the creator of the BOSU www.bosu.com which is one of the hottest fitness products around. I literally see the BOSU everywhere and unlike some other lame fitness products, the BOSU is an incredible training tool that I recommend highly. Anyway lets get back to my conversation with Dave. Similar to most successful people, Dave worked his ass off to achieve his immense success. He had tons of roadblocks on the way and there were many moments in which he thought he was done. No one gave him a roadmap to success. He simply had to act, fail a lot, persevere, and eventually achieve immense success.

This is a common path that most successful people have been through. What separates Dave from most people is he was not afraid to make mistakes. He made plenty and still does. However, he also hits home runs from time to time and they more than make up for all of the mistakes. Remember, in professional baseball if you hit the ball three times out of every ten at bats, you are a superstar! This means you are missing the ball 70% of the time! a 30% average is an F in school. Get over the illusion of having A+ results in the real world. If you are closing 90% of the deals you go after then you are either a liar or do not have enough deals. The more at bats you take the more misses you will have. However, do enough at bats and you hit a few balls as well. The key is to keep going for the hits and forget about the misses. Only losers get beaten down by mistakes. Winners take them in stride and are too busy pushing forward to give up.

Now that Dave is highly successful, he gets people coming to him all of the time for his secrets to success. These people are looking for a seamless path to success and hope that Dave has all of the answers. While it is great to get ideas from successful people on how to make it, you are kidding yourself if you think you can avoid suffering and failure on the way to success. If you are not prepared to get your hands dirty and put it all on the line, then do not bother starting. Moreover, do not bother wasting Dave's time or any other successful persons time. You have to get out there and learn how to be successful. You have to read the books, try plans out, fail miserably many times and still have the courage to persevere. You have to be able to persevere through being defeated day after day, month after month, and even year after year. You have to wake up the next day after being kicked around and do it all over again. You have to be able to get your ass kicked, recover and come back for more. Yes it is a fight and you need to be able to go all twelve rounds and then twelve more. Few have what it takes which is great for those of us that do as it means less competition, ha ha.

Most people will not even make it past the first set back. They get rejected once or do not have immediate success and it is all over. Pathetic to say the least. Such people do not deserve success as they do not value their lives. Especially if they are in America which is the equivalent to winning a lottery ticket. Making it here is much less easier than elsewhere. Unfortunately, people that are born in America rarely value the gift. Study successful people and I challenge you to find one person that had an easy road to success. Interesting people are people that persevered through rough times. You cannot have personal growth without tough experiences. No personal growth equals a very boring life and a very boring person.

Why do so many people give up at the first sign of failure? Why do others do whatever is necessary to make it? Who knows. It is one of the great mysteries of the universe. Regardless, I have a theory. People that give up easily are simply people that are nor prepared for success. They are nor prepared to do what needs to be done and suffer accordingly.

Without hard work, set backs, suffering, frustrations, and problems you will never enjoy the successes when you finally make it. You can apply whatever excuse you want. Maybe they had mean parents. Maybe they grew up in the inner city. While all of these are extremely influential factors, eventually you have to take responsibility for your life. You have to face your inner demons, crush them, and make your life what you want it to be. The arduous process is what reveals the inner diamonds. There is a difference between being a millionaire and having a million dollars. People that were given a million dollars did not have to work for it like the people who earned it through hard work, problem solving, and working smart. People that achieve their fitness goals through proper training, restoration, and nutrition are always more empowered than people that get cosmetic surgery.

People that are afraid to get their hands dirty are afraid of change. They really do not want to change or they would be busy working instead of applying delaying tactic methods. Yes eventually all talk has to stop and you have to act. Getting excited about an idea is easy. People do it all of the time. Every January 1, millions of people get excited about working out and getting in great shape. By January 15th, 50% of those people have given up. By March 1 the other 49% have as well. The final 1% get their hands dirty and finish what they start.

The only question left is are you part of the 1% club?

Live Life Aggressively!

Mike Mahler

No More Self Indulgence and Self Absorption!

I am tired of the far-right and the far-left and of all the political correctness and I think a lot of people are. We are losing sight of what is real and what is good and what this country was founded on by nit-picking on any little thing.~ Kid Rock

Amen, Kid Rock! I'm with you: I am beyond-tired of political correctness and people bickering about meaningless issues and luxury problems. There's so much more each one of us can do to improve our own lives--and the lives of others--and pushing political correctness isn't it. Over sensitivity and attention-whoring are also useless activities. The desperate need to be right--and thus for others to be wrong--is pathetic behavior in children...and reprehensible for adults. People need to get over themselves, their petty problems, and their desperate needs to feel important. Life is short and not one minute should be wasted on such behavior. The correct use of the ego is to drive us to greatness through our actions--not stoke our illusions of greatness by seeking out approval and praise.

The happiest people out there are too busy making a positive difference in the lives of those less fortunate to dwell on self-absorptive and petty activities. Whether they realize it or not, happy people are benefiting from their opportunities for gratification, proven to increase genuine happiness. They don't need accolades to feel important, nor pats on the back to feel useful. The generosity and compassion they show to the world is the reward in itself--and it's far more rewarding than the satisfaction of imagined offenses or chronic complaining.

I'm always amazed to see adults behaving like children, and it happens far too often. Fortunately, it gets balanced out when I see amazing children modeling admirable character traits. One example that comes to mind is the daughter of one of my online clients, her name is Maia and she is perhaps all of ten years old. Maia loves animals and in particular, elephants. When Maia’s father discovered a non-profit organization called The Elephant Sanctuary, he bought Maia a gift membership. While other kids might nag their parents for toys and video games, Maia was thrilled with the gift and when her birthday came around she used it as a fund raising event for The Elephant Sanctuary. Instead of asking for toys, she asked all her friends to make donations to The Elephant Sanctuary. What an amazing compassionate young lady! She puts most adults to shame.

Immature, petty adults may clutch their politically correct agendas and their illusions of enforcing change in the world, while incredible young girls like Maia are out there making a genuine, positive difference.

Lately, I've been thinking about what I can do to make a greater positive impact on the lives of others. Sure, I make a positive impact with my business everyday by helping people attain health goals, physical and physical--as well as mental--strength. It's rewarding work and additionally, I've generated a good income from it. You can't beat that. Well, actually you can--and that's what I plan to do. While I've raised money for non-profits in the past (and currently donate money each year to a select list of organizations) why stop there? Why not use my business in a more direct way to benefit those in need? An important part of strength is compassion--in fact, you can't have real strength without it.

Recently, I got a great idea and I'm very excited about it. In the past few days I've begun organizing another incredible two-day strength and health event. Last year, my company promoted The Boys are Back in Town Kettlebell Workshop and this year’s event is The Collision Course Workshop: Kettlebell Training and Beyond, and it's going to blow people away! There will be four main presenters, and two guest presenters, for a total of six strength and health experts at a single, two-day event. While kettlebells are a key part of the workshop, we're going far beyond that. Once again, it's taking place in Las Vegas, and here's the line up: John Brookfield, Jon Hinds, Mark Philippi and myself are main presenters. The guest presenters are a secret for now but, believe me, they're incredible. The promotional material will be on my website in a few weeks, but for now, mark the weekend of October 25-26 on your calendar and plan on being in Las Vegas.

Now, what does this have to do with helping people? Glad you asked. The people coming to the workshop will be blown away by the material and leave with the information they need for making dramatic improvements in both training and health--have no doubt about that! But it doesn't stop there: everyone registering for the workshop also helps some much-deserving kids in need. I'm donating 10% of the total workshop revenue (not profit, there's a big difference) to a worthy organization. Right now I am thinking about the Children’s Wish Foundation. The Children’s Wish Foundation helps kids under the age of eighteen diagnosed with life threatening diseases in obtaining a final wish. This is a wonderful organization and no matter whether you're a right-wing political nut, a left-wing political lunatic, or even if you have a heart as small and hard as a walnut, you should be moved by the idea of helping terminally ill kids. Because unless you're terminally ill yourself, these kids are facing bigger problems then anything you're going through, so let's forget our own luxury problems and help out some kids who are struggling with some real problems.

Of course, you do not have to attend the October workshop to help a great organization. You can do that today. You can send some money or send some of your time to help others. Let's send a message to the petty-and-luxury-problem crowd out there that a revolution is at hand. We're not only taking charge of our lives but destroying self-indulgent behavior and redirecting that formerly wasted energy to helping ourselves and helping others.

Normally, I only use one quote per Aggressive Living article, but today, I'm ending with another great quote from Kid Rock:

Just live life--it's not that long--live it embrace it. I just want to shake people sometimes and ask them why they're walking around like they're brain dead! ~ Kid Rock

Check out the interview with Kid Rock from where I extracted this week’s quotes: http://www.kidrock.com/media.php

For more info on the Children’s Wish Foundation, go to: www.childrenswish.org

And why not make a donation while you are there?

No Need To Be Jealous Of Others

By Mike Mahler

“If you are discontented but unwilling to give up what is holding you back, you will have to admit that it is you who has chosen to reject success and to abandon the dream of being all of the best you can be. If this is so, you can stop getting jealous whenever you see other people around you succeeding in the life you thought you wanted for yourself.”
– Chin-Ning Chu, from her book Do Less, Achieve More

Over the years, I've realized you can't want success for others more than they want it for themselves. You can give someone the tools they need for success but if they don't use those tools and follow through, success will always evade them. You can send them opportunity after opportunity and introduce them to all the right people, yet success will always evade them. Why are some people not prepared to lay the groundwork for success? Who knows? As motivational speaker Jim Rohn says, “It's one of the mysteries of the universe.”

The main reasons people fail to succeed? Lack of self-responsibility and self-awareness. You have to take charge of your life and take responsibility for your success. It's not anyone else’s job but your own to be successful--as long as you rely on other people and relinquish responsibility, you won't experience success. No matter what others do for you, if you don't take responsibility for yourself, it's all in vain.

I once had an online client who signed up for a three-month program. I put a program together for him and never heard back...until six months later when he emailed me complaining I'd let him fall off-course and that it was my fault he didn't succeed. In his world, it was my fault. After all, he'd done his part in paying for the program, right? Wrong: you can't buy success; success is earned though action. Yes, you can buy knowledge, which is critical to success--but certainly not everything, there are plenty of knowledgeable people out there in all manner of fields who aren't successful, due to lack of right action.

Lets get back to the client: the client didn't follow the program designed for him and never sent me his training journal. I require all my clients to keep a training journal and to send me that journal every Friday for review. This keeps the client and I both engaged and committed; however, I clarify up front that if you neglect to email your journal I won't be emailing you.

I'm not the type of trainer who'll come to your house and wake you up in the morning or call everyday to motivate you--that's not what “Aggressive Strength” is all about. I want to work with people who are ready to make a change and are self-motivated. These people require guidance, direction, and a personalized program to fit their lifestyle. That's the service I provide--not coddling people and treating them like children.

The online client who didn't follow through on his end chose to blame me for his lack of success, even though he chose to neither follow the program designed for him nor to send his journal for feedback. While he was motivated enough to pay for a training program, he wasn't motivated enough to take the real-world action and responsibility necessary for his success. Many people feel that if they're paying someone for a service, that person is now responsible for their success. Well, it doesn't work that way: no one else can do this work for you. You can't drop the “success burden” upon others and expect positive results--such a mentality is for losers! The best others can do for you is act as guides and consultants, supporting your getting on track and staying there. At the end of the day, you have to put in the work.

Next, lets talk about self-awareness: what do you know about yourself--and of what are you capable? What is it about yourself that holds you back? Plenty, probably, if you take an honest appraisal. Yes, you have to take a ruthless look at yourself and address your weak points. Of course, this means actually accepting that you have weak points and then, more importantly, doing something about them. The former is often harder than the latter as it's easy to wear blinders and blame circumstances or the world for your own lack of success--people do it every day.

One common trait holding back unsuccessful people is their jealousy of others' successes. The unsuccessful can't stand to see people do what they themselves didn't have the stones for. Whenever someone acquires success, the jealous people get angry. What they fail to realize is this: successful people are prepared to pay the price of success, thus any jealousy of that success is both petty and counterproductive. Jealousy is a wasted emotion which misplaces your focus. Again, the focus needs to be not on others, but inward--on what you are prepared to do. Your own lack of success isn't anyone else’s fault, and your wasted jealous energy won't change this.

Rather than feeling jealousy around successful people, a better use of vital energy is feeling inspiration--realizing that what others can do, so can you. It boils down to that word no one wants to hear: sacrifice. What are you prepared to sacrifice for success? You can't watch four hours of TV everyday, then waste four more hours surfing the Internet, then complain that you don't have time for creating success. When you take time to assess your situation and your daily habits, what becomes clear is what you're not doing and thus, what needs to be done. The only question left is--what are you prepared to do now?

One thing is certain: days turn into weeks, weeks into months, and months into years. Before you know it, you've repeated the same year over and over again as a decade's passed you by. But you always have this choice: if you're content where you are, stay there and continue with your daily routine--or, choose a new direction for yourself and finish what you once started.

Live Life Aggressively!

Mike Mahler

Use Pressure To Be Successful

By Mike Mahler

The human body functions at a higher level when stimulated by pressure. —John Elliot, Ph.D. , The New Science Of Working Less To Accomplish More

Many people try to avoid pressure, not realizing pressure is the thing that keeps you sharp and focused. When the pressure is on, you're not thinking about anything else but the task at hand. Let's say you're given a tough assignment due tomorrow versus a tough assignment due in a month. The former will stimulate pressure, which can create incredible levels of adrenaline and energy to get the job done, while the latter will likely result in procrastination. After all, you've got a month so there's no urgency to get started. But the problem isn't with pressure itself, only our interpretation of it. Many of us have been led to believe we perform best when we're calm and relaxed, i.e., if we feel any stress at all, it's a sign we're unprepared. The key is interpreting pressure as exhilarating rather than a debilitating stress, because pressure is a natural confidence-builder that can help us focus on the moment. When you're performing at your best, you're fully engaged in the moment, not thinking about what you'll be doing later.

Many years ago, I worked for a company and had to give a sales presentation to a group of prospects. I was told a week in advance and spent the entire week preparing for the presentation. I practiced in the mirror, memorized all my points, and did some visualization techniques in which I went over the entire lecture in my head. The point of all of this was to help me relax so that I wouldn't be stressed before the presentation. My plan was the more I practiced, the more relaxed I'd be before and during the presentation and it worked: the day of the presentation I was relaxed and even somewhat excited to do it...but things took a turn for the worse when it came time to perform. Five minutes into the presentation, the pressure started cooking, which made me worry, which in turn made me go blank. I started sweating profusely as I tried to remember what to say next. The minutes felt like an eternity as I tried--to no end--moving forward with the presentation. Finally, my manager came up and saved me, which was more embarrassing than blanking out.

What did I do wrong? It wasn't lack of preparation that led to my demise that day. No, it was failure to use pressure to perform better. Instead of taking the pressure and using it, I got worried by the feeling of pressure and choked big time. Further, I took the presentation too seriously: instead of going in intending to have a good time, I just wanted to get through it. Instead of viewing the pressure as a support tool, I saw it as a sign I wasn't ready and my performance followed accordingly. I interpreted going blank as another sign I wasn't ready and shut down accordingly. The reality is public speakers go blank all the time, but they don't panic or see it as a sign of failure--something I'd learn down the road.

In The New Science Of Working Less To Accomplish More, John Elliot provides a great example of the benefits of pressure with1950's NBA player Bill Russell. Bill was regarded as the best basketball player of the time and had the unusual habit of throwing up before every game; he was so nervous before games he puked his guts out. Oddly enough, Bill would go on to have a great game after each purging session. One day, to his surprise, he felt great before a game and didn't have the urge to vomit; the other players congratulated him. Unfortunately, he went on to have the worst game of his career. He continued playing one poor game after another and the press reported Bill was washed up and that his best days were behind him. As Bill continued having poor games, he started believing what the press was writing. The stress started building again until finally, before a game, Bill had to run into the bathroom to vomit again. He then realized the connection between pressure and performing well and felt a sign of relief. The “butterflies” Bill felt before each game were a sign he was ready to go. He went on to have an exceptional game and his team, the Celtics, won their eighth straight title.

It's ironic we avoid the very thing stacking the odds of success in our favor. Pressure is an extra source of energy kicking in whenever we do something important. It's our body's way of saying it knows that what you're about to do is important and that it's there to support you and give you what you need. I finally understood this after I bombed the sales presentation. My manager understood as well and knew the best thing for me was to get back in front of the room as soon as possible, and so I was scheduled to give a presentation the following week. The thing people fear most about public speaking is blanking out and looking foolish, but that had already happened so there was no need to fear it and, as lame as that experience was, it wasn't the end of the world. When it came time to do the next presentation, instead of trying to suppress the energy surge that came with pressure, I decided to use it and went on to give a great presentation.

I've done a lot of pubic speaking over the years and before each presentation I am always nervous. More often than not, the night before, I don't sleep well. I've taught many workshops where I didn't sleep at all the night before yet those have been some of my best. I actually enjoy the nervous energy that comes before each presentation, as I'm fully alive in those moments. The nervous energy focuses the mind and keeps you in the present, fully engaged in what you're doing. When the pressure isn't there, you can drift all over the place.

Last year, I experienced the physical performance-enhancing benefits of pressure when I sponsored a kettlebell clean-and-press contest in San Diego for charity. The contest was for maximum reps with two 70-lb. kettlebells. My personal best was fourteen reps before the contest but o my surprise, at the contest I easily blasted through fourteen reps and finished off with nineteen reps. I think I could've gotten more reps if I'd focused on the task at hand, but I couldn't believe how light the bells felt and started thinking about it around rep eighteen. Sure enough, rep nineteen felt very heavy and it was the last rep. Still, the pressure of performing with people watching was a real energizer. For this same reason, I'm always stronger at my workshops than at my own workouts.

The pressure that comes along with other people watching can result in enhanced performance--if you let it. The key, again, is to welcome the energizing pressure and transfer the energy to whatever you're doing instead of allowing it to stress you out. For once the energizing pressure is created, you have to use it--failure to do so results in plain old stress. Thus if you have to give a lecture and decide to cancel last minute due to the high level of pressure you're interpreting as stress, your end result will be even more stress. Once energy is created, it can't be destroyed, only transferred, or in this case, displaced. Failing to transfer the energizing pressure results in internalizing it, so instead of pressure turning into exhilaration, it turns into destructive stress.

What's more stressful than feeling pressure, is feeling no pressure at all. As human beings we're born to push the limits of what we are capable of and to take risks--that's where a deeper experience of life is found. There's no excitement in taking the path of least resistance and avoiding growth opportunities, yet many of us look hopefully toward future days in which we'll no longer have pressures, failing to realize that pressure is what makes us feel completely alive. Think of those times in your life wherein you were given a difficult task and rose to the occasion--remember the super-energizing feeling of accomplishment and vitality that followed? We end up talking about them in the past tense to keep the feeling of being alive going, but that's not enough. The pressure that vitalizes us comes from playing the edge of the unknown--not from what we've already accomplished.

Think of times when you surprised yourself accomplishing something that you didn't realize you were capable of. Those are life's amazing moments, yet instead of embracing them we'll retract, trying to avoid the pressure.

What is the excitement in watching a movie in which you already know what's going to happen? Your life is no different. Next time you feel pressure, welcome it and embrace it. Enjoy the feeling of being fully alive and welcome the feeling as often as possible.