No More Self Indulgence and Self Absorption!

I am tired of the far-right and the far-left and of all the political correctness and I think a lot of people are. We are losing sight of what is real and what is good and what this country was founded on by nit-picking on any little thing.~ Kid Rock

Amen, Kid Rock! I'm with you: I am beyond-tired of political correctness and people bickering about meaningless issues and luxury problems. There's so much more each one of us can do to improve our own lives--and the lives of others--and pushing political correctness isn't it. Over sensitivity and attention-whoring are also useless activities. The desperate need to be right--and thus for others to be wrong--is pathetic behavior in children...and reprehensible for adults. People need to get over themselves, their petty problems, and their desperate needs to feel important. Life is short and not one minute should be wasted on such behavior. The correct use of the ego is to drive us to greatness through our actions--not stoke our illusions of greatness by seeking out approval and praise.

The happiest people out there are too busy making a positive difference in the lives of those less fortunate to dwell on self-absorptive and petty activities. Whether they realize it or not, happy people are benefiting from their opportunities for gratification, proven to increase genuine happiness. They don't need accolades to feel important, nor pats on the back to feel useful. The generosity and compassion they show to the world is the reward in itself--and it's far more rewarding than the satisfaction of imagined offenses or chronic complaining.

I'm always amazed to see adults behaving like children, and it happens far too often. Fortunately, it gets balanced out when I see amazing children modeling admirable character traits. One example that comes to mind is the daughter of one of my online clients, her name is Maia and she is perhaps all of ten years old. Maia loves animals and in particular, elephants. When Maia’s father discovered a non-profit organization called The Elephant Sanctuary, he bought Maia a gift membership. While other kids might nag their parents for toys and video games, Maia was thrilled with the gift and when her birthday came around she used it as a fund raising event for The Elephant Sanctuary. Instead of asking for toys, she asked all her friends to make donations to The Elephant Sanctuary. What an amazing compassionate young lady! She puts most adults to shame.

Immature, petty adults may clutch their politically correct agendas and their illusions of enforcing change in the world, while incredible young girls like Maia are out there making a genuine, positive difference.

Lately, I've been thinking about what I can do to make a greater positive impact on the lives of others. Sure, I make a positive impact with my business everyday by helping people attain health goals, physical and physical--as well as mental--strength. It's rewarding work and additionally, I've generated a good income from it. You can't beat that. Well, actually you can--and that's what I plan to do. While I've raised money for non-profits in the past (and currently donate money each year to a select list of organizations) why stop there? Why not use my business in a more direct way to benefit those in need? An important part of strength is compassion--in fact, you can't have real strength without it.

Recently, I got a great idea and I'm very excited about it. In the past few days I've begun organizing another incredible two-day strength and health event. Last year, my company promoted The Boys are Back in Town Kettlebell Workshop and this year’s event is The Collision Course Workshop: Kettlebell Training and Beyond, and it's going to blow people away! There will be four main presenters, and two guest presenters, for a total of six strength and health experts at a single, two-day event. While kettlebells are a key part of the workshop, we're going far beyond that. Once again, it's taking place in Las Vegas, and here's the line up: John Brookfield, Jon Hinds, Mark Philippi and myself are main presenters. The guest presenters are a secret for now but, believe me, they're incredible. The promotional material will be on my website in a few weeks, but for now, mark the weekend of October 25-26 on your calendar and plan on being in Las Vegas.

Now, what does this have to do with helping people? Glad you asked. The people coming to the workshop will be blown away by the material and leave with the information they need for making dramatic improvements in both training and health--have no doubt about that! But it doesn't stop there: everyone registering for the workshop also helps some much-deserving kids in need. I'm donating 10% of the total workshop revenue (not profit, there's a big difference) to a worthy organization. Right now I am thinking about the Children’s Wish Foundation. The Children’s Wish Foundation helps kids under the age of eighteen diagnosed with life threatening diseases in obtaining a final wish. This is a wonderful organization and no matter whether you're a right-wing political nut, a left-wing political lunatic, or even if you have a heart as small and hard as a walnut, you should be moved by the idea of helping terminally ill kids. Because unless you're terminally ill yourself, these kids are facing bigger problems then anything you're going through, so let's forget our own luxury problems and help out some kids who are struggling with some real problems.

Of course, you do not have to attend the October workshop to help a great organization. You can do that today. You can send some money or send some of your time to help others. Let's send a message to the petty-and-luxury-problem crowd out there that a revolution is at hand. We're not only taking charge of our lives but destroying self-indulgent behavior and redirecting that formerly wasted energy to helping ourselves and helping others.

Normally, I only use one quote per Aggressive Living article, but today, I'm ending with another great quote from Kid Rock:

Just live life--it's not that long--live it embrace it. I just want to shake people sometimes and ask them why they're walking around like they're brain dead! ~ Kid Rock

Check out the interview with Kid Rock from where I extracted this week’s quotes: http://www.kidrock.com/media.php

For more info on the Children’s Wish Foundation, go to: www.childrenswish.org

And why not make a donation while you are there?

No Need To Be Jealous Of Others

By Mike Mahler

“If you are discontented but unwilling to give up what is holding you back, you will have to admit that it is you who has chosen to reject success and to abandon the dream of being all of the best you can be. If this is so, you can stop getting jealous whenever you see other people around you succeeding in the life you thought you wanted for yourself.”
– Chin-Ning Chu, from her book Do Less, Achieve More

Over the years, I've realized you can't want success for others more than they want it for themselves. You can give someone the tools they need for success but if they don't use those tools and follow through, success will always evade them. You can send them opportunity after opportunity and introduce them to all the right people, yet success will always evade them. Why are some people not prepared to lay the groundwork for success? Who knows? As motivational speaker Jim Rohn says, “It's one of the mysteries of the universe.”

The main reasons people fail to succeed? Lack of self-responsibility and self-awareness. You have to take charge of your life and take responsibility for your success. It's not anyone else’s job but your own to be successful--as long as you rely on other people and relinquish responsibility, you won't experience success. No matter what others do for you, if you don't take responsibility for yourself, it's all in vain.

I once had an online client who signed up for a three-month program. I put a program together for him and never heard back...until six months later when he emailed me complaining I'd let him fall off-course and that it was my fault he didn't succeed. In his world, it was my fault. After all, he'd done his part in paying for the program, right? Wrong: you can't buy success; success is earned though action. Yes, you can buy knowledge, which is critical to success--but certainly not everything, there are plenty of knowledgeable people out there in all manner of fields who aren't successful, due to lack of right action.

Lets get back to the client: the client didn't follow the program designed for him and never sent me his training journal. I require all my clients to keep a training journal and to send me that journal every Friday for review. This keeps the client and I both engaged and committed; however, I clarify up front that if you neglect to email your journal I won't be emailing you.

I'm not the type of trainer who'll come to your house and wake you up in the morning or call everyday to motivate you--that's not what “Aggressive Strength” is all about. I want to work with people who are ready to make a change and are self-motivated. These people require guidance, direction, and a personalized program to fit their lifestyle. That's the service I provide--not coddling people and treating them like children.

The online client who didn't follow through on his end chose to blame me for his lack of success, even though he chose to neither follow the program designed for him nor to send his journal for feedback. While he was motivated enough to pay for a training program, he wasn't motivated enough to take the real-world action and responsibility necessary for his success. Many people feel that if they're paying someone for a service, that person is now responsible for their success. Well, it doesn't work that way: no one else can do this work for you. You can't drop the “success burden” upon others and expect positive results--such a mentality is for losers! The best others can do for you is act as guides and consultants, supporting your getting on track and staying there. At the end of the day, you have to put in the work.

Next, lets talk about self-awareness: what do you know about yourself--and of what are you capable? What is it about yourself that holds you back? Plenty, probably, if you take an honest appraisal. Yes, you have to take a ruthless look at yourself and address your weak points. Of course, this means actually accepting that you have weak points and then, more importantly, doing something about them. The former is often harder than the latter as it's easy to wear blinders and blame circumstances or the world for your own lack of success--people do it every day.

One common trait holding back unsuccessful people is their jealousy of others' successes. The unsuccessful can't stand to see people do what they themselves didn't have the stones for. Whenever someone acquires success, the jealous people get angry. What they fail to realize is this: successful people are prepared to pay the price of success, thus any jealousy of that success is both petty and counterproductive. Jealousy is a wasted emotion which misplaces your focus. Again, the focus needs to be not on others, but inward--on what you are prepared to do. Your own lack of success isn't anyone else’s fault, and your wasted jealous energy won't change this.

Rather than feeling jealousy around successful people, a better use of vital energy is feeling inspiration--realizing that what others can do, so can you. It boils down to that word no one wants to hear: sacrifice. What are you prepared to sacrifice for success? You can't watch four hours of TV everyday, then waste four more hours surfing the Internet, then complain that you don't have time for creating success. When you take time to assess your situation and your daily habits, what becomes clear is what you're not doing and thus, what needs to be done. The only question left is--what are you prepared to do now?

One thing is certain: days turn into weeks, weeks into months, and months into years. Before you know it, you've repeated the same year over and over again as a decade's passed you by. But you always have this choice: if you're content where you are, stay there and continue with your daily routine--or, choose a new direction for yourself and finish what you once started.

Live Life Aggressively!

Mike Mahler

Use Pressure To Be Successful

By Mike Mahler

The human body functions at a higher level when stimulated by pressure. —John Elliot, Ph.D. , The New Science Of Working Less To Accomplish More

Many people try to avoid pressure, not realizing pressure is the thing that keeps you sharp and focused. When the pressure is on, you're not thinking about anything else but the task at hand. Let's say you're given a tough assignment due tomorrow versus a tough assignment due in a month. The former will stimulate pressure, which can create incredible levels of adrenaline and energy to get the job done, while the latter will likely result in procrastination. After all, you've got a month so there's no urgency to get started. But the problem isn't with pressure itself, only our interpretation of it. Many of us have been led to believe we perform best when we're calm and relaxed, i.e., if we feel any stress at all, it's a sign we're unprepared. The key is interpreting pressure as exhilarating rather than a debilitating stress, because pressure is a natural confidence-builder that can help us focus on the moment. When you're performing at your best, you're fully engaged in the moment, not thinking about what you'll be doing later.

Many years ago, I worked for a company and had to give a sales presentation to a group of prospects. I was told a week in advance and spent the entire week preparing for the presentation. I practiced in the mirror, memorized all my points, and did some visualization techniques in which I went over the entire lecture in my head. The point of all of this was to help me relax so that I wouldn't be stressed before the presentation. My plan was the more I practiced, the more relaxed I'd be before and during the presentation and it worked: the day of the presentation I was relaxed and even somewhat excited to do it...but things took a turn for the worse when it came time to perform. Five minutes into the presentation, the pressure started cooking, which made me worry, which in turn made me go blank. I started sweating profusely as I tried to remember what to say next. The minutes felt like an eternity as I tried--to no end--moving forward with the presentation. Finally, my manager came up and saved me, which was more embarrassing than blanking out.

What did I do wrong? It wasn't lack of preparation that led to my demise that day. No, it was failure to use pressure to perform better. Instead of taking the pressure and using it, I got worried by the feeling of pressure and choked big time. Further, I took the presentation too seriously: instead of going in intending to have a good time, I just wanted to get through it. Instead of viewing the pressure as a support tool, I saw it as a sign I wasn't ready and my performance followed accordingly. I interpreted going blank as another sign I wasn't ready and shut down accordingly. The reality is public speakers go blank all the time, but they don't panic or see it as a sign of failure--something I'd learn down the road.

In The New Science Of Working Less To Accomplish More, John Elliot provides a great example of the benefits of pressure with1950's NBA player Bill Russell. Bill was regarded as the best basketball player of the time and had the unusual habit of throwing up before every game; he was so nervous before games he puked his guts out. Oddly enough, Bill would go on to have a great game after each purging session. One day, to his surprise, he felt great before a game and didn't have the urge to vomit; the other players congratulated him. Unfortunately, he went on to have the worst game of his career. He continued playing one poor game after another and the press reported Bill was washed up and that his best days were behind him. As Bill continued having poor games, he started believing what the press was writing. The stress started building again until finally, before a game, Bill had to run into the bathroom to vomit again. He then realized the connection between pressure and performing well and felt a sign of relief. The “butterflies” Bill felt before each game were a sign he was ready to go. He went on to have an exceptional game and his team, the Celtics, won their eighth straight title.

It's ironic we avoid the very thing stacking the odds of success in our favor. Pressure is an extra source of energy kicking in whenever we do something important. It's our body's way of saying it knows that what you're about to do is important and that it's there to support you and give you what you need. I finally understood this after I bombed the sales presentation. My manager understood as well and knew the best thing for me was to get back in front of the room as soon as possible, and so I was scheduled to give a presentation the following week. The thing people fear most about public speaking is blanking out and looking foolish, but that had already happened so there was no need to fear it and, as lame as that experience was, it wasn't the end of the world. When it came time to do the next presentation, instead of trying to suppress the energy surge that came with pressure, I decided to use it and went on to give a great presentation.

I've done a lot of pubic speaking over the years and before each presentation I am always nervous. More often than not, the night before, I don't sleep well. I've taught many workshops where I didn't sleep at all the night before yet those have been some of my best. I actually enjoy the nervous energy that comes before each presentation, as I'm fully alive in those moments. The nervous energy focuses the mind and keeps you in the present, fully engaged in what you're doing. When the pressure isn't there, you can drift all over the place.

Last year, I experienced the physical performance-enhancing benefits of pressure when I sponsored a kettlebell clean-and-press contest in San Diego for charity. The contest was for maximum reps with two 70-lb. kettlebells. My personal best was fourteen reps before the contest but o my surprise, at the contest I easily blasted through fourteen reps and finished off with nineteen reps. I think I could've gotten more reps if I'd focused on the task at hand, but I couldn't believe how light the bells felt and started thinking about it around rep eighteen. Sure enough, rep nineteen felt very heavy and it was the last rep. Still, the pressure of performing with people watching was a real energizer. For this same reason, I'm always stronger at my workshops than at my own workouts.

The pressure that comes along with other people watching can result in enhanced performance--if you let it. The key, again, is to welcome the energizing pressure and transfer the energy to whatever you're doing instead of allowing it to stress you out. For once the energizing pressure is created, you have to use it--failure to do so results in plain old stress. Thus if you have to give a lecture and decide to cancel last minute due to the high level of pressure you're interpreting as stress, your end result will be even more stress. Once energy is created, it can't be destroyed, only transferred, or in this case, displaced. Failing to transfer the energizing pressure results in internalizing it, so instead of pressure turning into exhilaration, it turns into destructive stress.

What's more stressful than feeling pressure, is feeling no pressure at all. As human beings we're born to push the limits of what we are capable of and to take risks--that's where a deeper experience of life is found. There's no excitement in taking the path of least resistance and avoiding growth opportunities, yet many of us look hopefully toward future days in which we'll no longer have pressures, failing to realize that pressure is what makes us feel completely alive. Think of those times in your life wherein you were given a difficult task and rose to the occasion--remember the super-energizing feeling of accomplishment and vitality that followed? We end up talking about them in the past tense to keep the feeling of being alive going, but that's not enough. The pressure that vitalizes us comes from playing the edge of the unknown--not from what we've already accomplished.

Think of times when you surprised yourself accomplishing something that you didn't realize you were capable of. Those are life's amazing moments, yet instead of embracing them we'll retract, trying to avoid the pressure.

What is the excitement in watching a movie in which you already know what's going to happen? Your life is no different. Next time you feel pressure, welcome it and embrace it. Enjoy the feeling of being fully alive and welcome the feeling as often as possible.

The High Price Of Ownership

Ownership is not limited to material things. It can also apply to points of view. Once we take ownership of an idea--whether it's about politics or sports--what do we do? We love it perhaps more than we should. We prize it more that it is worth. And, most frequently, we have trouble letting go of it because we can’t stand the idea of its loss. — Dan Ariely

The notion of our ideas and beliefs as things we own is an interesting one and explains why it can be so hard to grow and develop as a human being. Growth requires letting go of that in which we used to so firmly believe. Once we become comfortable within the constructs of what we think we are, it's difficult to let go, even if we don't like the construct! Many people like neither who, nor what, they've become yet find a coincident comfort there since the known is more acceptable to them than the unknown. Dishonest self-assessments always result in stagnant growth, and when you fail to grow, you fail in living life at its fullest--a serious disservice to yourself.

How much do we miss in life because of our attachments to who we think we are? The attachment to ownership in particular reminds me of a Buddhist story about a father who is told his son died in a battle. The father becomes so attached to the thought of his son's death that when his son appears, alive and knocking on the front door, the father refuses to open it, thinking someone must be playing a cruel trick on him.

You may find it unbelievable that a father won't even open the door to see if his son is standing there, but look closer at your own belief systems--you're sure to find a few things to which you're very attached. Some people dismiss ideas and opportunities on the spot, out of fear that openness to new ideas and opportunities will irrevocably change them. Yet their fear of change is irrational, since change is going to occur whether we like it or not--sometimes for the better and others for the worse. Avoiding opportunities to grow and reinvent ourselves is disastrous; we have only so many opportunities in life to grow and improve and they should not be taken lightly.

Worse than an over-attachment to the status quo is the illusion we've refined ourselves when in reality the person we assume we used to be is merely lying low and waiting to rise again. Behaving differently, while helpful, doesn't equal fundamental change. It's easy to lie to yourself and rationalize just about anything. Sometimes we don't accept reality no matter if it slaps us in the face.

A great example of this is the “glam metal” scene in the 1990's. In the 90's there occurred an explosion of glam metal bands: Poison, Cinderella, and innumerable other acts. These bands took off commercially and went from playing clubs to filling stadiums, selling countless hit records, and otherwise making tons of money. In the late 90's the scene died off with the rise of “grunge” music and bands like Nirvana and Alice in Chains took off. The record labels dropped the glam metal bands like so many toilet seats. A few shrewd record labels stepped in and offered deals much lower than what the glam bands had were used to, but few of the glam bands dealt, since in their minds they were still popular and entitled to more money. They still owned their belief in their rock stardom, even though reality wasn't on their same page. They refused both the low-ball offers and prerogatives to downgrade their lifestyles and the rest of the story writes itself.

Accepting reality doesn't mean we have to settle for at where we are right now, but we must be honest with ourselves, a critical component of instilling meaningful change. If you're broke but lie to yourself saying you have financial wealth, you're not changing anything, just deluding yourself and worse, creating an obstacle to true change. If you're fat and unhealthy yet tell yourself you're lean and healthy, you're lying to yourself while impeding positive change. Faking it until you make it doesn't work. Just make it--then there's no need to fake it.

We know we've achieved true change when we take new actions without having to think about them. For example, maybe you're a selfish person who couldn't care less about others, then, after realizing your own selfishness, you decide to change your ways. At first, you must actively think about others and practice being your compassion skills. Then, over time, you find yourself expressing these new qualities without any prior thinking. This is the sign of genuine change.

One of my favorite movies is the western, Unforgiven, starring Clint Eastwood and Morgan Freeman. Clint Eastwood plays William ‘Bill’ Munny, a retired criminal and cold-blooded killer. Throughout the movie, Munny repeatedly says he's no longer a killer, he's a changed man due to his wife's influence. Munny has himself convinced of this, until his good friend (Freeman) is brutally murdered by the crooked Sheriff Little Bill Dagget (Gene Hackman). Without hesitation, Munny returns to killing mode, not only murdering Little Bill Dagget, but all of the sheriff’s cronies as well. As Munny rides out of town, he threatens to kill anyone in the town--along with their families--who might think about coming after him. Like Munny, we may believe we've changed but it's life's circumstances that are our true judge.

Another classic movie demonstrating the evolution of character is The Untouchables, starring Kevin Costner and Sean Connery. Costner plays Eliot Ness, who's been given the task of bringing down the notorious Chicago gangster, Al Capone, played masterfully by Robert De Niro. Ness starts off as a by-the-book treasury agent who says he'll do everything within the law in taking down Capone. Being a by-the-book agent is the construct by which Ness views himself. Sean Connery plays a cop named Malone recruited by Ness as part of his team to take down Capone. Malone tells Ness, in no simple terms, he will have to throw away his rulebook if he wants to take down Capone--playing by the book won't cut it. Ness tries to stay the course within his belief system, but once he realizes it's not working he becomes a different person. By the end of the movie he breaks every one of his own rules (to which he was so attached) and brings down Capone. Ness's true nature is revealed by his circumstances.

Relinquishing ownership of our self-proclaimed defining construct is never easy. It is a necessity if we want to let go of what we think we are and transition instead into what we wish to become. Life is a cycle of destruction and creation.

Detachment from ownership of ideas and beliefs doesn't mean you stand for nothing. There's nothing wrong with a strong belief system and unwavering moral code. In fact, both are essential qualities or risk becoming a punching bag in the game of life. However, close-mindedness and rigidity impede personal growth and development. When we stop thinking, someone else will do it for us--and I don't have to explain to you how deadly that is.

****This week's quote is from the book Predictably Irrational. Thanks to my friend and magazine reader Ray Evans for the recommendation. For more info on the book, go to: www.predictablyirrational.com

Fear Is The Ultimate Manipulation Technique

There are many people in the world who have the best of intentions, but ultimately bring more suffering to the world. Why? Because they are looking to change the world from a place of fear rather than love.

— Hugo W. Elfinstone

Fear is--by far--the most powerful manipulation technique. It surrounds us, making it difficult to not internalize. We're so used to living in fear that we not only fear failure, we even fear success! As comedian Jerry Seinfeld said: “The fear of success is proof that we're scraping the bottom of the barrel for things to fear.” Why are we so comfortable in our fearful state and why do we allow others to use fear to manipulate us? Well, fear is something we're taught at a very young age. We learn to fear getting hurt and taking risks. We learn to fear the consequences of disobeying orders and we learn to fear not getting what we want if we don't follow the rules. Then, if we ever get it, we fear losing what we have. Ultimately, I suspect we're so comfortable with fear because it makes us feel important, i.e., if someone takes the time to provoke our fear, we must matter. It's an illusion, sure, but what else is new? Lying to ourselves is the oldest pastime.

Some quantity of fear may be healthy--even a necessity--for learning and development, but overall, fear prevents us from realizing our full potential and relinquishes too much power to others. Fear makes people irrational, paranoid, and unhealthy, and raises cortisol (the stress hormone) levels through the roof.

Many companies use fear to control their employees. If you don't arrive on time everyday, you have good reason to fear being fired. If you're in sales, you fear being losing our job if you fail to hit your goal every month. Yet any company using fear as a primary motivator inevitably builds an organization of snitches willing to sell out co-workers for a chance to move up the chain of command. I've seen this first-hand many times.

Years ago, I worked for an Internet company in business development. Business development is a fancy word for sales. I had a great boss who led by example and always backed up his team members. While he made it clear what the team expectations were, he also made it clear that he'd go into the trenches with us, to help us excel, and his door was always open for help. My boss was a great guy, but the people above him at the corporate office were total scumbags. They had no clue what was going on in the field, nor did they care to be informed. More concerned with keeping their easy, well-paying jobs than the pride that comes with building a company, they were completely closed to any innovative ideas. Their philosophy: Nothing was a problem if they chose not to see it that way. A philosophy I heard many times.

When sales went well, the higher-ups at corporate took full credit. They claimed their leadership and marketing tools were responsible for our collective success. When sales didn't go well, instead of taking responsibility and being proactive, they played the blame game. They feared losing their jobs, thus if they shared in the blame, their jobs were also on the line.

As usual, I was on the target list for getting fired since I'd aggravated some higher-ups by going over their heads about something. Long story short: I'd developed a more effective sales method than what people were doing before I arrived and had even proven its value in the marketplace The problem was I did all this without the corporate office's permission. In fact, the sales strategy I'd devised had been shot down by my boss’s manager, but I'd enacted the plan regardless. After generating impressive results, I informed the company's owner about the specifics. (Email is a great thing!) Every executive between the CEO and me was furious, but I was making money for the company, so they were helpless, which made them more furious.

Several months later, the company executives revised the sales commission plan, making it very difficult for the sales teams in the field to reach the monthly goals. As ridiculous as it sounds, this happens all the time, whenever a company decides they're paying the sales team too much in commissions. When sales were down for two months straight, my boss was given an ultimatum: Fire Mike or we fire you. Now most people in his situation would have sold me out, but he was an exception and refused. He was fired and one of my colleagues was promoted, then ordered to fire me. He (like most people would have) fired me...and that was the end of that lame job. The lesson learned? Integrity is only a convenience. When most people are backed up to a wall, instead of attacking their aggressor head-on, the first thing they'll do is look for someone to whom to pass the buck.

The next company I worked for provided yet another lesson in fear-based leadership. My new manager was disloyal to his people and encouraged us to sell each other out. Basically, if you complained about anything--and I mean anything--you were on an execution list and your days were numbered. One day, one of my colleagues was struggling to close some deals and brought up his frustration in a team meeting. He wasn't at all negative, just truthful about his frustration and seeking constructive feedback from the team. Our manager didn't see it that way. He'd been getting heat from the Board of Executives and needed a scapegoat. Of course, a team member voicing some frustration doesn't justify a firing, so he needed a stronger case. He called me up and tried to get me to sell out my team worker, who happened to be my friend and still is today. I contributed nothing to the manager's effort to fire my friend, but that didn't stop him--he eventually built enough of a case to fire him a week later. Because his supervisors controlled him with fear, he tried to use the same tactics with us. Still later, when he'd gotten another scare from his superiors, he fired me to save his own skin. He went on to embezzle from the company. See what happens when you lead through fear? You lose your good people and are left with slime. Then again, you are slime when using fear in the name of business leadership.

Using fear to run a company or organization is shortsighted--and ultimately ineffective. Why? Eventually, a few people will recognize fear as the illusion it is, thus rendering it intolerable as a controlling mechanism. Ultimately, as fewer people tolerate it, the power of fear dissipates. It's not a question of if, but a question of when. Further, organizations using fear as a controlling mechanism inevitably lose their smart, hard-working, independent thinkers. These people eventually conclude they don't care to put up with fear-based, petty nonsense and move on. Then, all that's left is a spineless, sycophantic following biting each other every step up the chain of command. When that's all that remains of an organization, the implosion occurs.

One of my favorite movies of all time is Braveheart. My favorite scene is the bad-ass speech William Wallace (Mel Gibson) gives before the Scots first battle with the English. The Scots are outnumbered and justifiably scared, after all, it's not a day-job in some lame company on the line, but their very lives. Wallace understands their fear and tells the men that if they run and hide they may go on to live long lives, but their souls will die that very day on the battlefield, while they'll continue on to live lives of immense regret for not standing up for their freedom and rights. Wallace communicates to the Scots at the immortal, soul level and they come to understand that dying while standing up for what you believe in isn't anything to fear. Selling, or otherwise oppressing, your soul and living with the ensuing regret is to be feared and shows that sometimes fear is good!

When all is said and done, I think the real fear you have is about taking responsibility for your life. There's comfort in letting other people take charge; however, it's an illusion, and a self-destructive one at that. Only you can take charge of your life and only you can stand strong in the face of fear without selling your soul to the highest, or most convenient, bidder.

Living life aggressively is about understanding it's OK to feel fear, but not OK to avoid fully living your life because of it.

****This week's quote is from an outstanding book entitled "Compassionate Honesty" by my good friend Hugo Elfinstone. For more info, go to: http://www.accesswisdom.com/books/compassionate-honesty