There are many people in the world who have the best of intentions, but ultimately bring more suffering to the world. Why? Because they are looking to change the world from a place of fear rather than love.
— Hugo W. Elfinstone
Fear is--by far--the most powerful manipulation technique. It surrounds us, making it difficult to not internalize. We're so used to living in fear that we not only fear failure, we even fear success! As comedian Jerry Seinfeld said: “The fear of success is proof that we're scraping the bottom of the barrel for things to fear.” Why are we so comfortable in our fearful state and why do we allow others to use fear to manipulate us? Well, fear is something we're taught at a very young age. We learn to fear getting hurt and taking risks. We learn to fear the consequences of disobeying orders and we learn to fear not getting what we want if we don't follow the rules. Then, if we ever get it, we fear losing what we have. Ultimately, I suspect we're so comfortable with fear because it makes us feel important, i.e., if someone takes the time to provoke our fear, we must matter. It's an illusion, sure, but what else is new? Lying to ourselves is the oldest pastime.
Some quantity of fear may be healthy--even a necessity--for learning and development, but overall, fear prevents us from realizing our full potential and relinquishes too much power to others. Fear makes people irrational, paranoid, and unhealthy, and raises cortisol (the stress hormone) levels through the roof.
Many companies use fear to control their employees. If you don't arrive on time everyday, you have good reason to fear being fired. If you're in sales, you fear being losing our job if you fail to hit your goal every month. Yet any company using fear as a primary motivator inevitably builds an organization of snitches willing to sell out co-workers for a chance to move up the chain of command. I've seen this first-hand many times.
Years ago, I worked for an Internet company in business development. Business development is a fancy word for sales. I had a great boss who led by example and always backed up his team members. While he made it clear what the team expectations were, he also made it clear that he'd go into the trenches with us, to help us excel, and his door was always open for help. My boss was a great guy, but the people above him at the corporate office were total scumbags. They had no clue what was going on in the field, nor did they care to be informed. More concerned with keeping their easy, well-paying jobs than the pride that comes with building a company, they were completely closed to any innovative ideas. Their philosophy: Nothing was a problem if they chose not to see it that way. A philosophy I heard many times.
When sales went well, the higher-ups at corporate took full credit. They claimed their leadership and marketing tools were responsible for our collective success. When sales didn't go well, instead of taking responsibility and being proactive, they played the blame game. They feared losing their jobs, thus if they shared in the blame, their jobs were also on the line.
As usual, I was on the target list for getting fired since I'd aggravated some higher-ups by going over their heads about something. Long story short: I'd developed a more effective sales method than what people were doing before I arrived and had even proven its value in the marketplace The problem was I did all this without the corporate office's permission. In fact, the sales strategy I'd devised had been shot down by my boss’s manager, but I'd enacted the plan regardless. After generating impressive results, I informed the company's owner about the specifics. (Email is a great thing!) Every executive between the CEO and me was furious, but I was making money for the company, so they were helpless, which made them more furious.
Several months later, the company executives revised the sales commission plan, making it very difficult for the sales teams in the field to reach the monthly goals. As ridiculous as it sounds, this happens all the time, whenever a company decides they're paying the sales team too much in commissions. When sales were down for two months straight, my boss was given an ultimatum: Fire Mike or we fire you. Now most people in his situation would have sold me out, but he was an exception and refused. He was fired and one of my colleagues was promoted, then ordered to fire me. He (like most people would have) fired me...and that was the end of that lame job. The lesson learned? Integrity is only a convenience. When most people are backed up to a wall, instead of attacking their aggressor head-on, the first thing they'll do is look for someone to whom to pass the buck.
The next company I worked for provided yet another lesson in fear-based leadership. My new manager was disloyal to his people and encouraged us to sell each other out. Basically, if you complained about anything--and I mean anything--you were on an execution list and your days were numbered. One day, one of my colleagues was struggling to close some deals and brought up his frustration in a team meeting. He wasn't at all negative, just truthful about his frustration and seeking constructive feedback from the team. Our manager didn't see it that way. He'd been getting heat from the Board of Executives and needed a scapegoat. Of course, a team member voicing some frustration doesn't justify a firing, so he needed a stronger case. He called me up and tried to get me to sell out my team worker, who happened to be my friend and still is today. I contributed nothing to the manager's effort to fire my friend, but that didn't stop him--he eventually built enough of a case to fire him a week later. Because his supervisors controlled him with fear, he tried to use the same tactics with us. Still later, when he'd gotten another scare from his superiors, he fired me to save his own skin. He went on to embezzle from the company. See what happens when you lead through fear? You lose your good people and are left with slime. Then again, you are slime when using fear in the name of business leadership.
Using fear to run a company or organization is shortsighted--and ultimately ineffective. Why? Eventually, a few people will recognize fear as the illusion it is, thus rendering it intolerable as a controlling mechanism. Ultimately, as fewer people tolerate it, the power of fear dissipates. It's not a question of if, but a question of when. Further, organizations using fear as a controlling mechanism inevitably lose their smart, hard-working, independent thinkers. These people eventually conclude they don't care to put up with fear-based, petty nonsense and move on. Then, all that's left is a spineless, sycophantic following biting each other every step up the chain of command. When that's all that remains of an organization, the implosion occurs.
One of my favorite movies of all time is Braveheart. My favorite scene is the bad-ass speech William Wallace (Mel Gibson) gives before the Scots first battle with the English. The Scots are outnumbered and justifiably scared, after all, it's not a day-job in some lame company on the line, but their very lives. Wallace understands their fear and tells the men that if they run and hide they may go on to live long lives, but their souls will die that very day on the battlefield, while they'll continue on to live lives of immense regret for not standing up for their freedom and rights. Wallace communicates to the Scots at the immortal, soul level and they come to understand that dying while standing up for what you believe in isn't anything to fear. Selling, or otherwise oppressing, your soul and living with the ensuing regret is to be feared and shows that sometimes fear is good!
When all is said and done, I think the real fear you have is about taking responsibility for your life. There's comfort in letting other people take charge; however, it's an illusion, and a self-destructive one at that. Only you can take charge of your life and only you can stand strong in the face of fear without selling your soul to the highest, or most convenient, bidder.
Living life aggressively is about understanding it's OK to feel fear, but not OK to avoid fully living your life because of it.
****This week's quote is from an outstanding book entitled "Compassionate Honesty" by my good friend Hugo Elfinstone. For more info, go to: http://www.accesswisdom.com/books/compassionate-honesty
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